Chatted up?

[1DAD2KIDS]

Ok I think yesterday I was chatted up at work. The reason I just wonder a bit is that I am terrible of knowing when I am being chatted up by either sex. Maybe it because of low self esteem. There has been times when it has taken other people to point out to me when I am being flirted with.

Anyway to paint the picture I am a train driver by profession. There is train dispatcher at one of the stations I stop off at regular. She always seems to light up when she see its me coming into the station and we both smile and wave at each other enthusiastically as I am moving down the platform. Often there is no time to talk but on a couple of occasion we have had a brief chat on the platforms. I must admit I do fancy her, she is such a ray of sunshine and so upbeat. Anyway last time I saw her she was actually traveling on one of our trains (not at work). I said hello, we made a bit of chit chat but she didn't seem to have much interest.

But then yesterday as I come in (as normal) her face lit up and we smiled and waved. Then she when all the way down to the front of my train to talk to me. This is not normal as they normally stay close to the trains guard (drivers are billy no mates). But its what she said to me that really got me:

So how is the most hansom driver on the network today?

I replied in my normal ironic self deprecating way, you'd be surprised how much I hear that. I don't think she got my humour at first and replied no doubt you do here that a lot. But the main thing was I don't think it was a piss take, I think she was genuine in her compliment. And the following brief chat went well and I felt butterflies in my belly.

So is it just me or does this sound like she is interested and showing intent?

She's interested.

Yep - she's interested. Maybe when you saw her outside of work she was a bit discombobulated as it was a different situation?

I would compliment her back and see how she takes it. Just something light!

It sounds like she could be interested. I wouldn't be lighting up at someone and calling them handsome if I didn't want to.....

In my experience the lighting up thing is involuntary and tends to be what gives you away. She may not know she's doing that.

Enjoy the flirtation and don't start picking it to bits at this point! Just let it unfold.

Im not normally bothered about posters updating but I shall be returning to this thread to find out if you've asked her out . Good luck, she sounds lovely.

Yes Mr, you need to up your game next time you see her. Do you know for sure if she's single?

Speak to her and ask her out for a friendly drink. Say something like 'We should get a drink after work sometime'.
But for God's sake, don't touch her unless invited.

Tell her the most handsome man on the network would like to take her for a drink next time.
Where does he say anything about touching her neutrogena? I've skimmed but I can't see anything?
Don't be self deprecating all the time though, it's off putting, After all you're the most handsome man on the network remember? Hold your head up high, smile and ask her out.

It just caught me totally out the blue, I didn't know where to put my self, but I liked it. I wish I had have made some sort of return compliment. It's scary territory for me as still in the back of my mind I fear what if I have miss read things. Plus the railway is a tight community, words spreads fast and it would be a bit embarrassing. And I don't know anything about her. My friend who works on the platforms at my home station will probably know a bit about her (same company as her and her station is the next up the line, they all know each other). Should I try do some digging first? This risk with that is I give the game away, like I said the railway is a tight community, I will come up on the RADAR. The rumour mill will be working over time if I start asking questions. Or should I just ask her if she fancied a drink sometime. Or should I play a slower game and continue to gauge interest (do I need to gauge more interest after that last encounter)?

Why do I still doubt my self? Maybe because she is a lovely, a happy, a smiley and IMO very beautiful girl that it seems to good to be true. I was talking to my best girly mate over dinner the other night about dating (she is single too). She said I am good looking and have loads going for me, but I fear she may be bias. Having said that I suppose because this girl does not know me very well then her interest must be based on physical attraction. Maybe I just have a low self image of my appearance. I don't trust the opinions of those around me who say I'm attractive because of course they would only say nice things.

Or maybe she does know more about me? Maybe I have come up in conversation or she has been doing some digging? Maybe she is showing a clear intrest (if that what it is) because she knows a bit more about me? Maybe she didn't know before if I single?

God it feels like a mine field

I'd do some digging to at least find out if she is single. Nothing wrong with someone showing an interest in someone else, might make it easier, someone might put a word in for you, help it along a bit. Is there someone that knows everything about everything, they're the ones to get the info from. Good luck to you, life is short you've got to go for these things I say. You're more likely to regret not trying in the first place, than trying and it not working out. Plus, these opportunities don't come along very often do they.

Don't play any kind of game at all. That can end in crossed wires and hurt feelings.

Try to be open hearted and trust yourself. Just be you but don't feel that you have to push yourself to ask her out if you're not quite ready. Also, never mind coming up on the "radar". Life is too short to be worrying about that!

I once read that attraction is mainly in the mind. You sound like a really nice man so although I'm sure she does find you physically attractive, it will be YOU the person she is intrigued by.

Firstly, I wouldn't call a bloke handsome if I wasn't interested, unless I knew him really well enough to take the piss.
I would maybe just ask someone if they know if she is single. It would be embarrassing if you asked her out and she is attached. So what if word got out? Its no worse than asking her and being knocked back.
Sounds positive though, hope something happens.
Keep us posted.

When I met my now DH, one of the things I really appreciated about him was his lack of 'game playing'. If he said he was going to call/email, he did. If he had got a message from me but was busy, he acknowledged it and said he'd reply when he could, and he did, etc. It was clear we liked each other and we didn't bother trying to pretend otherwise. If you like her, ask her out, and don't try and analyse or second guess. Just be decent and kind and honest, see what happens and if nothing does, you've still had a lovely compliment. (but good luck anyway!!!)

I would say she's definitely interested!! Could you be a passenger one day and perhaps get off at the station she is based at with the excuse of going somewhere and maybe have more of a chat to get to know her?
Good luck you sound like a lovely guy try and have more confidence in yourself she's making the effort to speak to you and that might have been hard for her too. xx

She could be interested. She could also be one of those genuinely cheerful and flirty people who is like that with everyone. You do need to talk to her, but because of the dynamics I think this is going to be a long drawn out thing to get anywhere. Or, you could take the bull by the horns, hand her your number next time you see her and simply say 'text me' - it's taking a chance and putting yourself in a vulnerable position, but it's also being honest and brave and removing any silly game playing.

Well I have been giving this a thought, which for me as a mad over thinker is a dangerous thing. Not sure if I can just ask her out, maybe I need to find out more. Maybe ask around or try to strike up more conversation with her. Although this is difficult because she only rotates onto the platforms every few weeks and normally we'd only have 60 seconds max to chat? Normally I will see her for a few days and then not for a couple of months.

The things that worry me (now I am in over thinking mode):
What if I have read her enthusiasm, friendliness and calling me the most hansom? Would anyone (especially if they didn't know a person well) call someone that just out of friendliness? Also the possible age difference? I am early 30s and she is very hard to tell. She is a really natural, athletic, young looking tomboy type. My best guess if mid 20s but she could sort of pass for anything from 19 - early 30s. Actually its not the age per se (age has never bothered me in either direction), more chances of us being at incompatible life stages. My assumption (obviously an assumption) is that she is single and no kids, very much starting out in life. Me on the other hand I have packed a lot into my 30 odd years. I severed across the globe (previous career), seen a lot of things and grown up fast, Married reasonably young, Divorced, managing two properties on the side, I am totally settled down and a single dad to a 2 and a 5 year old. I hardly have any free time, if she is young with no commitments surely she would want more from me than I can give? Then what if she wants kids? I assume if she's never had any chances are she'd want some? I am happy with the kids I got and don't want anymore.

Also gutted that I did not take the opportunity to compliment her new hair style. I think that would have been a good move.

Would it be a good idea to do some more research? Or is it best to ask her out and get things from the horses mouth so to speak? I just don't want to make a fool of my self or make anyone feel uncomfortable or waste anyone's time if its clear we are on totally incompatible life paths.

She sounds flirty and may have got wind you fancy her but I have to say as a former outrageous flirt I loved doing it but in no may did it mean I was interested in every guy I flirted with. Inevitably in fact I got called a prick tease more than once. I never really realised that men took me seriously - more a reflection of my own self-esteem at the time really. Personally, if I fancied someone I would probably go the other way and clam up and I doubt I'd be able to be forward enough to call them handsome to their face if I had feelings invested in how they might receive that. Just go steady.

Like you say OP, I think you're overthinking this, looking too far ahead and all that. It sounds like you're having second thoughts about getting involved with someone, like you can't spare the time maybe (or coming up with excuses so you don't have to take any risks).
If you do decide to go for it, I wouldn't hang about too long, someone else might get there before you!
I think maybe making a fool of yourself goes with the territory of this thing they call the dating game, it's not easy I know, gotta take a chance once in a while I say. Out of the comfort zone, I know easier said than done, working on that one myself!

Yeah it sounds like you're maybe talking yourself out of it?

You're unlikely to find out any of what you mentioned without spending a bit of time with her. I suppose that's what the first few dates are about.

Asking someone out is honest and brave. If she knocks you back it might sting for a bit but it's not the case that you would have made a fool of yourself.

No rush though. See what happens when you next see her. And try to enjoy the flirting and attention a bit more regardless of where she's coming from with it.

This is meant to be the fun part!

Well I have not seen her on the platforms all week so she has either rotated on to another job for the next few weeks or on holiday. So could be some time till I see her again. Although opportunities are rare I think maybe test the water a bit more when I see her next instead of just wading in by asking her out.

Definitely interested! Good luck!

I think sending her a friend request on Facebook is a really good idea.

I don't know her name plus tracking her down on Facebook and randomly sending her a friend request seems a bit creepy imo (altgough maybe that's the way it's done these day, I'm not much into social media).

Are there any other women that you talk to at work that you can dig for info or put a word in for you?