I will try and keep this short.
I am married to a woman who I love to bits, we have two children of our own (12 & 8) both of whom have special needs. In addition to this I have a 19 year old step daughter.
I work full time whilst my wife works evenings on every other weekday and every alternate weekend.
Consequently, there are long periods when we are more like house mates and a tag team where we pass over childcare responsibilities as we meet in the doorway.
To be clear, I do not profess to be perfect and know I have my faults but I do what I can in terms of the routine hum-drum household chores when I can.
Since the start of the year things have been a little strained between us, due in the most part , to the demands of children, work and teenager but there were occasions when we were able to reintroduce ourselves to each other and smooth the waters a little.
However, since late February / March things in my view have taken a turn for the worse and I now find myself bewildered as to what else, if anything I can do make things better.
In this main this is due to the fact that since that time my wife, who previously used the coil as birth control had it removed so that she could assist with some research.
Let me make it clear, the reason for this she has explained and I understand why she wants to do this nor do I want anyone reading this to think that this is some vane attempt at me gaining approval to dictate what she does with her body - It is not.
The issue is that since that time, she has essentially distanced herself from me physically for fear of becoming pregnant as she feels that "(I) wont be able to control myself if we do anything".
Again I can understand her unwillingness to fall pregnant, it is something that I share with her and I should perhaps feel very flattered at this statement but come on really?!
The result of this stance is essentially abstinence from any (and I do mean any) form of physical intimacy to such a point that it is like living with a robot and we are no more than some strange 'house mate set who share opposite ends of the same bed'.
This is essentially tearing me apart, to feel that the woman who you love very much feels uncomfortable, for whatever reason, that she either does not want to or does not feel as if she can step over that boundary between mates and lovers in whatever capacity - by this I mean that we very rarely kiss now let alone anything else.
Taking all this and my own feelings into consideration I recently went for a consultation with the intention of getting a vasectomy however, as a result of that discussion, I was not recommended for the procedure.
I had hoped that it would have been the solution to addressing my wifes fear of becoming pregnant such that we could rekindle the intimate side of our relationship once more but alas it marked the end of the road for what I could do.
When I discussed this with my wife, she said that she was pleased I did not go through with it and reminded me that there were other alternatives available which reassured me in that it suggested that at least she had not shut down to that aspect of our relationship completely.
However, I have recently discovered, i.e. today, discovered that it is her intention to assist with this research which requires her to avoid the use of hormonal birth control (as I understand it) until December!
I have and I still am struggling with this sense of feeling unwanted by my wife or almost 6 months, during which time there has been no spark between us, and so the prospect of another 6 months is certainly not inspirational.
I have tried to speak with her about this and explain my feelings, often these result in rather heated exchanges and when this does not happen I get 'reassurance' that all is well with an indication that that part of our relationship will be recognised in some way together "when we make time".
The problem is that that time has very rarely been made over the last 4 months as there is always something that "needs sorted" which means that it feels like there has to be perfect planetary alignment and various other conditions need to be satisfied before anything like that will take place, i.e. a never ending feeling of anticipation that quite frankly makes it nigh on intolerable to be in the same house as her on occasions, as when I am it is akin to something like having your dream car on the drive way which you can only look at it as the keys to it are just out of arms reach.
I have tried to be proactive and do things so they don't appear on her list but when I do they seem to be replaced with other activities which means that I feel my efforts to improve the situation which she apparently does not like either are futile so much so that there is nothing else I feel I can do but limit my exposure and essentially harden myself to her as I seem to be feeling as if I am being kicked in the gut on a very regular basis. So much so that I have thought that if these circumstances are to prevail until December that I should preserve myself and essentially move out until that time.
I would guess that there may be one or two out there who read this who have the initial response of 'selfish pig' but that it not the case, I love my wife and kids very much but I am feel really hurt at the feeling of being kept at arms length and in the cold.
So with all that in mind my question is this:
What else can I do or indeed what should I do?
Any and all comments will be welcomed.
Thanks for your time in reading this.