ANYONE

[user1489269570]

Does anyone have an ear and some time for me?
To just let everything out? I am 26 female.
Thanks x

Lots of people are here to listen

It's our job here..
And we take it seriously when required. .
So fire away op and we will do our best....

Absolutely.
Just have a look at some other threads and the responses.
Lots of people on here to help with what you need.
Maybe start a new thread with a meaningful title.

Well I'm 26 originally for South Africa, moved over to England when I was 6, with my mum dad and one of my brothers (I have 2 older brothers) the other one stayed in sa then moved to nz.
Haven't seen him since 2002 when I went over here for a holiday with my mum.
So of course...my cousins,uncles,aunts, nan. (Grandads both dead) are still over there.
The day we left, I remember seeing my dad hitting my brother in the face because he didn't want to come with.
My dad physically abused my mum before I was born also cheated on her.
He tried to ride my mum over with a motorbike.
He kicked her in the back when she was pregnant with her middle child.
With his 2 boys (my brothers) they were fighting once in the back of the car and apparently he put the brakes on and one of them went flying into the front of the car.
In 2005-2006 my dad punched my mum in front of me on her on arm, I remember clear as day going to the doctors with my mum and blaming it on a ladder falling on her.
I could go on but list is endless.....
Anyway about my dad again, I was about 12 and I went to have a shower....didn't lock the door as my mum told me not to...
I got in the shower then I hear this knock on the door...it was my dad....he opened the door and said he is looking for the e45 cream he asked me if it was in the shower area I said no then he went all quiet (there was a shower curtain) so I moved away from the shower hose and moved the curtain on the opposite side and covered my self to find him looking in the side where I was standing under hose, then I think he noticed I wasn't there then stopped looking and looked at me and he had this guilty look and said nothing! Not one word!!
That night I slept with a bra on and did that every night for a long long time.
The following day I went next door as was friends with the kids there, I remember just sitting on the trampoline feeling so sad.
The same day my mum could tell something was wrong,her and me went to b&q and I told her eventually but she didn't believe me.. (funny that though as years later I got told by my mum that she got sexually abused when she was little by her uncle and she told her mum and she didn't believe her).
Anyways years went by (moved AGAIN!!)with me wearing my coat indoors as I used to hate walking past him when he sitting on sofa watching tv because it was like he always was looking at my butt!!!
The 3 of us (mum,me,dad) went to tescos and was in a isle with my mum and my dad was walking up that isle so I moved onto the other side of her, then he comes out with "what's the matter? U think I'm perving on u or something"
I said nothing.
So anyway we moved towns again and then this one time when I was brushing my teeth bent over abit I felt this finger like pretty much touch my coxic bone (sorry not sure how to spell it) I then stood up like a shot and he walked out of bathroom, then when we walking past each other his hand brushed against my butt!!!
He is no longer in my life anymore as he called social services on me to get me back for sticking up for my mum as he said he just wanted to put his hands around her neck and kill her.
My mum and dad separated in 2013 this whole social thing happened just over a year ago.
I have 4 kids)
Will move onto my kids in just a moment, need a break from all this texting lol

Gone far enough for me. Contact NAPAC and have a chat wit them.

I'm back.
So I have 4 kids. They are my world, they are the ones that keep me going!!
So about my teenage years.
My first job was at 17 years old working as a cashier in a d.i.y shop,months down the line I ended up meeting someone there and got together then I fell pregnant when I was 18 (he was my first! when I told my mum about it, my mum and dad said I should get married as baby will be born in wed lock.... I didn't want to, but being that young and stupid I did it. I gave birth 5 days after getting married ( no hooneymoon) it didn't even last a year after that. So a while later I got back in contact with an old neighbour on fb! (Surprise!....not) so anyway he was like heyyy been a long time we should meet up some time,I said yeah for sure! So he comes down as lives about 4 hours away. He said he has booked himself a hotel room so he will be staying the night so we can go out somewhere blah blah.
I met up with him he says he going to just drop his bags off,I said ok so I went up with him then I sat on the bed waiting while he was in the bathroom going for a piss and when he comes out he just pounces on me, not saying I didn't want it but I liked him abit. But easy!!! Lol.
So after we did it he was like I feel different with u, I always check my phone until u have messaged etc. So the night and day is over we say goodbye then arranged to meet up again but I would go there and stay at his, so this happened... a day later I was like hmmm something feels different so got a pregnancy test and it was positive. (And before anyone says anything I told him I was not on anything to stop myself getting pregnant)
I told him about half hour later and then he says sorry I don't know what I want anymore,sorry.
So I go home don't hear from him again, I have a scan and turns out I'm having twins!!! I told him that but he said he wants me to have an abortion. They are now 4 years old..boy and girl.
love them too bits( as much as I hate the guy for doing what he did, I just hope I don't ever have to tell them the truth what actually happened and how he didn't want them, hopefully he pulls his finger out and takes responsibility).
Now after I had twins I met someone else, fell pregnant again, but I had a abortion 😭 I had to do it for my kids, he played mind games with me including knifes, grabbed my face and ran after me and stopped me from locking the door to get away from him made my little boy cry as had him in my arms and he kicked the sofa to right under me.
I could not stop crying was hurting so bad!!!
By then I already split from him after those events. I was ok for a day or 2 and then bam it hit me so hard.
I have a 6months old and live with my partner of 2 years, he has taken the other 2 on like his own, my eldest who is 6 has speech problems so can't talk that well but his dad does see him regularly!
My partner has put up with a lot of stuff with me... I am extremely paranoid that he will end up going off with someone else though!!! Can't help but think bad things. I can never seem to be happy!!!

All of you have ran away now lol

I think maybe it is difficult to know what input you want.
You have given the outline of your life story here and haven't said what you want help with.

I think you need some help to talk over things that have happened to you. Did you get help after the guy in the hotel room?
Have you heard of the Freedom programme? It might be helpful for you.

I'm listening. I hope unloading on here is helping you. I have things I need to get off my chest but I haven't had the courage yet. Another day!

Well done for letting it all out. I do think you should see a professional who can work through your past with you as well as the present.

It is sooo hard to let it all out, isn't it? Do you have anyone in real life you can confide in, especially someone who could help you figure out what kind of help would be best? A really great counsellor might be a good fit, or the Freedom Programme, or ??? but you definitely deserve someone to talk to who knows how to help you move on and draw up your own boundaries.

I am in awe of you for writing all this down!! and to brighten your day. Small steps all do add up! No need to hurry, but do keep moving now that you have started.