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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm a 40% tax payer...

36 replies

user1495915742 · 30/06/2017 07:52

I have a lovely friend. I've known her quite a long time and we get on really well.

However, every time I see her she always manages to slip into the conversation at least several times during a meet up that she is a 40% tax payer. She's done quite well at work but I'd hardly say that she has a stellar career. I think she earns in the region of £50k.

She used to be like this when we were first friends. I used to ignore her and eventually she seemed to grow out of it. However, she has a fairly new partner who is very materialistic and she's reverted back to old ways.

She's inherited money so has also managed to pay off her mortgage and makes no secret of it. Was openly discussing it with various random people. I just cringed when I was listening to her. I know it sounds like I am jealous but I'm not. I don't earn that much but DH has a very good job and I have also inherited enough to pay off our mortgage/have a decent chunk in the bank. She doesn't actually know that as I haven't shared that info with anyone outside of my immediate family. I know that money can be such an emotive issue and I would rather not alienate myself from people who aren't in such a fortunate position.

Not really sure what I am asking really. Should I tell her she sounds like a tit or just let her get on with it.

OP posts:

noego · 30/06/2017 12:36

Wonder what is missing in her life that she needs to project herself materialistically??

Original poster

user1495915742 · 30/06/2017 12:37

"Are you aware that you say that a lot?"

Yes, that would work really well I think.

OP posts:

redcaryellowcar · 30/06/2017 12:38

I used to have a friend who spent all our social outings telling me how many bedrooms her house had (in a dodgy area) and that she felt she needed a BMW, luckily she could afford it blah blah blah. I just found it unnecessary. I didn't want to compete, partly didn't feel I needed to, had good job, nice house, company car so I stopped seeing her. I've not seen her for around 7-8 years now and don't miss her one bit!

Original poster

user1495915742 · 30/06/2017 12:39

No, I'm just about to change direction to work in the public sector so her comments bear absolutely no relevance to me whatsoever.

OP posts:

SecondMrsAshwell · 30/06/2017 12:44

There was a woman on a course I went on and when she introduced herself and what she wanted from the course, she said

Okay, ya, well, you know, ya, right so, ya, aaaaaah, so I'm er ya, like a you know in the aaaah 40% tax bracket and.....

We all looked at her and thought "what a tit."

Actually, I know someone who's in that tax bracket, but at the TOP end. He would consider it terribly gauche to even mention it. I only know cos he let something about his finances slip once.

You could always say when she says she's in the top bracket "so this evening's on you, then."

HarryBiscuit · 30/06/2017 14:16

I think you should buy her one of those wristbands, like the charity ones people used to wear? But with "I'm in the top tax band" on or something like that. Or an actual bracket with the tag "top tax" attached to it.

seethesun · 30/06/2017 14:24

I have a friend who is similar, it honestly makes me cringe but I just let her say it without commenting. I'm very private about my own finances and I just smile inside as I silently thank her for contributing such a high level of taxes towards supporting disabled people like me. Of course I'd never tell her that her net income after housing costs is the same as mine despite me having no job for years.

FfionFlorist · 30/06/2017 14:46

I'm an additional rate taxpayer and I have never in my life said those words out loud. She's tiresome, probably insecure and you need to tell her to shut up.

MissWilmottsGhost · 30/06/2017 14:55

I have a friend who frequently mentions she is a higher rate taxpayer. She says it along the lines of "I'm not much better off than you because I pay more tax"

I earn £17K

dogfish1 · 30/06/2017 14:58

As her friend you owe it to her to tell her in a kind way that she is making an arse of herself and that a lot of other people will be less understanding than you are. If your friendship is really a good one then she should in time feel grateful to you for this advice. If she resents you then she can't have been that good a friend.

HotNatured · 30/06/2017 16:04

There is something very much lacking in those who feel the need to brag. And it is a 'need'. A compulsion, they just cannot help themselves. It's a huge symptom of low self esteem. I would just pity her really.

Maybe ask her if she has self esteem issues, in a nice, friendly way. When she asks why say because you talk about your earnings a lot and I wondered if you are ok in yourself.

Should shut her up.

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