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Original poster

Lying husband

15 replies

MummyBear99 · 30/06/2017 07:45

Hi
My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 2.. a few months after we were married I found a message on his phone that he didn't send but it was asking to meet up with someone then I found out he'd joined a dating site! When I confronted him about it he said it was because he liked to talk to other women in a sexual way but he would never meet them or have sex with them it just turned him on! I then found he was ordering used women's underwear, I guess that turned him on too.. He promised not to do it anymore but then I find his bank statement that showed him spending money on porn sights, in particulars s&m.. again when I asked him about it he promised to stop.. so I try and get over it.. we go on to have another baby together and things we're fine till I find out he's been lying again, this time about money, in particular a bonus he got from work.. at first he didn't tell me he'd got one then when I asked him about it because my brother works for same company he told me he got half what he actually did.. he says that it's his money and he used it to pay bills so why does it matter how much it was.. the thing it I don't know if that's true? He doesn't seem to understand that and now I'm worried that all the trust has gone from our relationship and I don't know if I can keep forgiving him.. it's slowing eating away and my trust with him and everytime he's hurting me a little more but the worst part is we've not spoken now for nearly a week and he's not tried to speak to me, ask how the kids are or even apologise 😔

OP posts:
NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 30/06/2017 08:27

He's a compulsive liar.

Seeks out other women for his gratification.

Hides money issues.

Says money is his

When you are a family isn't money supposed to br discussed, in case it's needed for something?

You will never change this man.

Leave him and you'll be a lot happier.

2littlemoos · 30/06/2017 08:27

Agree with PP. Flowers

MaidenMotherCrone · 30/06/2017 08:40

@NotAnotherNoughtiesTune perfectly put.

The saying ' I'd rather a thief than a liar because you know where you stand with a thief' or something similar stands true I think.

You can never trust a liar, no trust = no relationship.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/06/2017 08:46

If there is no trust there is no relationship. This has come to an end really by his actions and such men do not change.

Chillyegg · 30/06/2017 09:15

Oh love leave the massive shit bag! You don't need that crap!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 30/06/2017 09:22

if you want your relationship to last, you need complete trust and similar morals.

Hesabawbag · 30/06/2017 10:13

If he is secretive and aware of damage he's doing and can't control his compulsions despite this he's probably an addict. There's books on this that can give you insight to this hideous problem. Paula Hall and Robert weiss are both good at explaining.

Hesabawbag · 30/06/2017 10:14

So sorry for you. It's soo awful and soo devastating.

Hesabawbag · 30/06/2017 10:17

You however are not alone. This problem is going to explode because of the instant and anonymous access to pornography online which acts as the gateway drug for those susceptible to addiction.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/06/2017 13:02

Leave this man before he drags you down with him, because he most certainly will.

Adora10 · 30/06/2017 13:13

Jesus, what a loser of a man, lose him before you lose your self respect.

isitjustme2017 · 30/06/2017 13:19

Sorry OP but he's not going to change and what's next? Eventually he will have a full blown affair or sleep with someone.
I used to go out with a compulsive liar. He would have lied about what he had for breakfast if he could get away with it.
Its probably a control thing. Please consider carefully your future with this man.

lizzyj4 · 30/06/2017 13:36

I was married to a compulsive liar for almost two decades. They will lie about anything, both big and small, but will rarely admit to it (even when confronted with evidence). It really does get much, much worse over time. You end up questioning your own sanity and when they lie to other people and are caught out, you'll probably find yourself in the firing line.

You need to start from the position that this is the way he is, he's not going to change, so the decision is whether it's something you can live with or not. And whether you really want to spend your life dealing with it.

Adora10 · 30/06/2017 14:24

Jesus, where is your base line OP, he's taking the absolute piss; why on earth are you allowing him to do this, instead of trying to get over it, get over him and quickly, he's making a mockery out of you.

Isetan · 30/06/2017 18:44

This is who he is and it's not a question of if but when, he will lie again about a hideous side to his character.

It's time to let go of the person you thought he was and who you are desperate for him to be.

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