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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Someone help :(

13 replies

ghost26 · 29/06/2017 23:19

Hi. I really need some help as I'm at my wits end of what to do. I'm 26. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. To start with my libido was great. Now it's not. It hasn't been for a good year. Sex doesn't interest me at all. I don't want sex. It's not him in any way. I love him I find him attractive, the sex is good. I just have no drive for it what so ever. My boyfriend is aware of this as I have spoken to him about it and tried to find a cause. But I can't. I've come off my pill to see if that's as affecting my sex drive. I tried time off my anti depressants. No change. I've had this before in previous relationships as well. Recently, when we do have sex, I find in painful also. I've experienced this a lot in the past but not to this extent it is now. It's a pain in my lower stomach and it's very uncomfortable. Tonight my
Boyfriend and I were having sex and he could see it was hurting my stomach. So he stopped and said what's the point in this all you do is lay there in pain and you don't even want to be having sex with me. Both sort of true. However, through no choice or fault of my own. I've been to the doctor about both. Nothing has been found to be the route of the problem. I could go back again but I'm scared they just won't help. Has anyone else experienced either of these problems and have any answers for me? It's really getting me down as it's causing problems for me and my boyfriend :(

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 29/06/2017 23:23

I think you need to see your gp again. either your cervix is too small or there is something else hurting you.

ghost26 · 29/06/2017 23:26

I think I'll have to rebook an appointment as is just getting worse!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/06/2017 23:29

I think the best option is to go back to your doctor with all of your symptoms. Just wishing your problems will go away won't accomplish anything. You need to be pro-active in finding a solution for this.

Onecutefox · 29/06/2017 23:30

He should be more understanding. He doesn't sound like that. Please check yourself. There could be different things causing you pain.

LilQueenie · 29/06/2017 23:31

endometriosis or ovarian cyst can cause this type of pain. I had the same which only went away after having DD. Maybe it was stretching the ligaments during pregnancy that helped. I'm not sure.

bluebell what do you mean by the cervix being too small? Nothing is going in or past the cervix anyway.

tiredandfrustrated · 29/06/2017 23:31

Try googling vaginissmus. And don't push yourself to have sex you don't want - it won't work.

Could you consider counselling or just someone to talk to as well as asking go for a gynaecologist consultation?

BadHatter · 29/06/2017 23:36

I think the kindest thing you can do for your BF in this situation is to let him go.

LilQueenie · 29/06/2017 23:42

erm and the kindest thing her BF could do is stick by her and seek help together!

BadHatter · 29/06/2017 23:43

Even if the relationship is hurting him? He should be a martyr?

Orlandointhewilderness · 29/06/2017 23:47

or, wild thought here, he would actually love her more than his need to have sex?!?! If my partner couldn't and was in pain of course I would stay with him and move hell and high water to make him pain free again. Even if we could never have sex again. Because oddly enough, our love is more than sex!

ghost26 · 29/06/2017 23:52

What are u on about

OP posts:
EllenRipley · 29/06/2017 23:53

I doubt your cervix is too small... Hmm
Go to your GP and explain what's happening, ask for it to be investigated further. Your lack of libido and painful sex could indicate a gynae condition (as a pp mentioned, cysts, fibroid, endo...) - which would also suggest some kind of hormonal imbalance affecting your sex drive. Sometimes anti-deps & contraceptives can do this and even if you're off both off them it could take a while for your body to right itself. Hopefully your partner will be supportive!

ghost26 · 29/06/2017 23:53

Badhatter I mean. He can leave me if he so wishes.

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