He fancies someone else

[ChippedVarnish]

He hasn't admitted it, and yes i am insecure (I've been cheated on before but not by him) but it's pretty obvious and it's giving me anxiety.

He admitted that they used to talk/text etc. when he was with his ex, but they work together and he just looks at her all the time, likes facebook pics of hers and she is stunning.

I asked him outright he said no he didn't but actions speak louder than words.

Am I just being insecure/jealous and obsessive? Kind of want you to say yes because I don't know what else to think!

they work together and he just looks at her all the time - has he told you this or do you just think it?

She can't help being stunning. Lots of people like other people's facebook pics. Doesn't really mean anything. What else makes you think he fancies her? Does he have form for being unfaithful? Are you generally insecure and jealous?

Never jealous but I am insecure I admit that. I work there too.

He's basically admitted he used to fancy her. I don't think he's being unfaithful, but I just need to get my head round the fact it's ok to find other people attractive or fancy someone else, because I just don't.

Look I know where you are here so forgive me for being blunt.
It is ok to find someone attractive. He is with YOU. That counts for so much. If there is nothing else that concerns you then I suspect it is nothing to worry about. If there are other things that worry you then it may be something but based on the info it really isn't something to worry about.

Are you worried because YOU think she is stunning or because he does?!?

Agree with above. We're humans and we're not blind. It's ok to find other people attractive, there's really nothing you can do about that. As long as he doesn't act upon it you have nothing to worry about

He does, everyone does. They get on well which is fine, please be blunt I need it. I want to snap out of it!

I think I just feel weird about it but need to get over it! It's giving me anxiety and I need to just calm down. I've been cheated on and been made look an idiot before and now I think absolutely anything sets me off. I have absolutely no reason not to trust him. We do spend a lot of time apart so they could well be talking and I wouldn't know, but I don't even think he's doing that I feel like I'm going a bit nuts..

Maybe I posted this on the wrong topic?

You sound like my bff although as far as I know she's never been cheated on. The point being you have the answer and not him. Do you consider yourself stunning? If not you should!! We always project how we feel. Like ive lost some weight and I know it not that the lower weight that has got me the extra attention, it's how I feel about myself.

Revolution you are right I need to feel good and secure about myself I just need to learn how to talk myself out of this stupid mindset when I see he's liked a photo of her looking amazing I just feel like shit.

If she was less attractive would you be less bothered?

No, but it would be easier to think he didn't fancy her. And I know how bad that sounds sorry.

I think you have posted on the right section.

I was cheated on. I married the love of my life at 20. We lasted 10 months after the wedding. He started having sex with my ex maid of honour, in my bed and blamed everything on me. We were so young, but I was so in love and it took 10 years to get over it. Now I am with a man who I actually trust with my heart. It feels so good, we are geeky and happy and old fashioned and I love him and trust him.

I had such a long way to go before I was ready for this point - I have been torn apart and rebuilt myself piece by piece. Now, I vow to NEVER let a previous experience of a man colour my future happiness. Don't destroy your happiness, please don't.

Trust that he loves you, that he wants you. If the most gorgeous man in the world offered himself to you I bet you would say no, because he wouldn't be yours. Your boyfriend will feel the same. You need some more confidence in yourself. If you want to PM me, please do. I know how you feel!

I'm sorry you had to go through that and thank you for sharing your experience. You are right and that is the attitude I am going to try so hard to take now.

Geeky and happy and old fashioned is - excuse the expression - my life goal!

If it helps...
I fancy someone else. Try not to but there are a couple of people that I lust after a bit.
Can't help it. They are so goddamn attractive. I get on with them too and come across them quite regularly.
But
I don't have a loving relationship with them.
I have a relationship that I want to be in and that I wouldn't risk, not even for Roger Taylor (revealing my age a bit)

You yourself must look at men occasionally and think ccooooooorrrrrr!
Or even have chats with someone and then not hear what they said because you were thinking what a lovely shade of green their eyes are.
Not in a million would you trade your loving relationship in to do anything.

Finding someone attractive is sometimes nothing more or less than finding someone attractive.
Be a bit kinder to yourself. Try to see yourself through your partner's eyes.
If it wasn't for bloody social media you might not even notice so much.

OP - sort out for jealousy of the other woman and don't wreck for relationship. You have the power to change your attitude. Do it.

I too will join the I find a couple of people I know very attractive but I am not with them and nor will I be.

There was one person last year whose beauty I was blown away by. Did anything happen? No.

Anxiety is not a nice feeling but you can control it by learning techniques. I am very much into the "don't worry about things that you have no control over and only deal with problems in the here and now, not problems that could occur in the future"

I think you're being very paranoid. He could have made the choice to be with her but, opted to be with you.