He's at it again :(

[misswhatdoto2]

Had previous threads detailing but stbxh and I divorcing and under same roof while house sale is going through. He has previously upset dc by poisoning them against me and had sort of settled down. I had worked really hard to get the dc back 'on side' and now I find out he's been at it again
Making little comments about me, telling eldest (8) things about arguments we've had. I am ashamed but I smacked ds on the bum when things were particularly bad and he was hitting and punching me and wouldn't stop. Ex has told him that I broke the law

I now find out he's told him that once he's settled in his new place he's going to go to court so they can go live with him

I asked ds what he thought about it and he said he didn't know. I'm so angry. I posted before about him working 24/7 and wanting them 2 week nights per week but he couldn't commit when I suggested he take them for a full weekend once a month yet now he's saying all this??!

I have never once said to him I would prevent him seeing the kids. All I've said is that he needs proper quality time with them and not just 2 week nights when they're at school!

I'm sure he couldn't fight for custody but I'm worried with him saying things to ds about me breaking the law that he's starting to try and set a scene for further down the line. He never loses his rag with the kids as a) he is hardly here and b) when he is home he plays Disney dad letting them stay up late/ sweets and no discipline. Just when I think things are starting to look more positive

I remember your other thread (long time lurker) and I'm sorry it's rough again.

I know it's easier said than done but try to rise above it. My ex has done similar with my Dd (7) and I try very hard to just ignore it.

When we were separated but living together he would make me so angry I'd scream and shout at Dd and came very close to lashing out in temper when she copied him. I apologised to her and explained that while her repeating what he'd said was bad (in your case his actions), it didn't mean my reaction was acceptable and that adults aren't perfect. That we all have things we find hard to cope with and it helps to talk about them, I explained I was sad too about our family splitting up but it still had to happen, and she accepted that. I try very hard not to blame her father but always be there when he drops the ball.

Now we live apart it's easier and I just reiterate to Dd that she has two homes now; I technically have residency but that means nothing to her, as long as she knows we both love her and she's safe she's happy.

I know it's not much help but it does get easier, especially when you're living apart.