how to cope with sd now dp making me feel useless

[pinkpetals]

hi, i have a sd who is 11 yrs old. we have always had a good relationship and i always used to get on with her mum. that was until my dp slept with her behind my back whilst i was pregnant with our ds. with that done i maintained the closeness with my sd and she will only talk to me with her problems about her mother. i always make sure i tell my dp everything that i am told by my sd as i feel its important for him to know as her father.and never run my sd mum down as this is not fair. my dp has a go at me because his dd wont talk to him about her problems and now i feel like i cant be there for my sd without causing problems for my dp which in turn is not fair on my ds... anyone got any suggestions on what i should do? e.g keep talking to my sd about her problems or just letting dp lead himself into darkness with his dd situation? thanks X

You sound like an lovely sm. I really hope someone out there has some good advice for you.

xx

thanks bubblymummy.. i really hope someone has aswell as i really dont know what to do for the best! XxX

at least your sd is talking to someone about her problems! would he rather her keep them to herself? and make the problem ten times worse! at least this way she gets good advice, and you sound like a sensible lady so he should be happy that she comes to you!

if sd won't talk to dp the issue is their relationship, and he can't blame you for that. He may feel that if you don't talk to her she will talk to him, but teens (and 11 counts as teen nowadays) often don't talk to their parents - it's ugly but that's the way it it.

You are in a very difficult situation, but you are a woman and not a parent and he is a man and her dad - can you play this card with him? tell him that she feels comfortable with you because you are not a parent and are a woman?

Most importantly, this is his problem - you are an innocent, helpful and well-meaning bystander. You are the good guy. if ds doesn't have you to talk to who will she talk to? stand up for her!

... btw personally I would not be telling her dad most of what she told you, unless she'd actually asked you to pass it on. She may be only 11 but she should have her confidence respected (unless it's something truly awful that he may be able to sort out, of course). Advise her to confide in him more, by all means, but it should be her choice.