Dating -do you plan ahead?

[debbs77]

So for example, I am looking for long term. Someone to eventually marry and have a life with. I have children. I wouldn't move out of my area because of them (until they were out of school as I have a large family).

So when I am dating, I take I to account distance etc, if they have have, as realistically, if they live an hour away but have children, they're not likely to move near me because of their children.

But men don't see to think about that stuff.

Am I overthinking it all or being realistic?

It seems a bit premature but I do the same as if the circumstances aren't right eg distance it's a non-starter.

Overthinking it big time.

Thinking no further ahead, than the time you've been together is a good dating yardstick

If you want an LTR then setting to much criteria will hinder that prospect.

This is what I'm wondering. Thanks for confirming!

Though just blocked the guy I've been chatting to for asking if I know how to give head

Jeez dodged a bullet with that one! What is wrong with them!

It was going really well too! And he suddenly asked! Didn't even bother to reply, just blocked. He will get the message!

Why would he think you wouldn't know how to? You're a grown adult with children, I would assume you've figured stuff like that out.
Whether you wish to or not is another matter...

Weird way to word it isn't it!

I think you may be overthinking it. If you find the right person you'll make it work.

I wouldn't date anyone who lived more than 30 mins away but I have two major cities within this radius.

I won't date anyone who completely rules out children and marriage.

I can't spend a considerable amount of time with them, maybe even fall in love only to be told "oh btw I don't want kids and I don't ever want to get married & just for the reaction, I don't want to live together".

Personally, I need to know these things BEFORE I date them, I don't want to be in a relationship but it not be what I want because I didn't broach the subject at the start.

When me and my ex decided to actually make a go of things, I told him very clearly that I wanted kids, marriage and living together eventually, if he didn't want any of those things, that I'd walk away

I broke all the rules and asked a man whom I was on a first date with what his thoughts about kids were. That very day I'd had some bad news from the doctor regarding my fertility. I was only 27 and was told I didn't have long left to conceive. I'd been casually dating up to that point but told him I was going to rule people out, move on and find someone I could be serious about.

That man is now my husband and is in the kitchen cooking steaks while I'm cuddled up to our napping Ds.

If you're looking for a life partner, date with that in mind. I don't recommend doing what I did though

See I specifically look for men that DON'T want children..... I am a single Mum of six (massively outing!!) And am turning 40 this year. I really don't want any more!

I think I'm wary as with my second ex (father of my youngest two), he lived a distance away and rented, so moved in with me at the end of his contract. Ended up not paying me a penny towards anything as "it isn't my house. It doesn't cost you any extra from me being here".

I'd rather buy somewhere new with someone new but couldn't move six children out of school

I think you absolutely should be very practical if you're looking for a proper ltr leading to cohabitation and/or marriage.

If you didn't have kids then it would be a bit different because you could potentially relocate, but you do, and that has to be taken into account.

I think the guys who message anyone within an hour radius without thinking about the practicalities are signaling that they actually don't want anything serious (even if they've checked "ltr" in their profile.)

Wow, how do you manage dating with six children?! I've given up and I have two. I just couldn't do the logistics and kept letting people down. Plus they wanted to stay over for a shag far too soon.

I won't date anyone who wants more kids

But moving in with someone when you have multiple kids is going to be logiistically and financially difficult so I cant possibly just base a relationship on having that guarantee. We would need a 4-5 bed house and can't afford one. So we live apart and will do so for some time

Well dating is tricky and relies on finding someone that works shifts. It's proving difficult to be fair

I think you can't rule out having a serious relationship that doesn't involve living together. It doesn't make DP and I any less committed I one another because we don't cohabit yet. It would be massively impractical for us to do so but it can work

That's good to hear!!!!

i dont think its good to have things cast in stone in your mind

i was very lucky and within a week of OLD i found someone (been together 4months and going great)but after hearing of others that have a difficult time of meeting somebody i think you have to be a little flexible in your criteria sometimes

best of luck op

Yes true.

Most people are put off by the kids anyway so think I'll be single forever !