Heartbroken again 😥

[user1498579797]

So here's my little story. My ex husband had an affair with a 19 year old girl when I was pregnant with our 3rd baby. He moved out eventually to be with her when the baby was 3 weeks old, the other two children were 4 and 3 at time. Life was hell.

2 years later I met a wonderful man, we get along so well and he made me feel so loved every single day. I was happy again. I love him too with all my heart. He has helped me through my divorce and has always been there for me.

He has always been honest about how how he struggles at times with my problems with my crazy ex husband (14 court battles) and how I raise my children, but he still tried so hard to become involved with my life and my young children. Every time he would tell me he wants to keep trying because he doesn't want to be without me.

I never asked him to become a stepdad figure, the children has a dad. Also my boyfriend is always working aboard and I only have the kids half the time so they don't really see each other that often.

We have now been together for over 2 years and unfortunately reality hits again. He isn't sure about being a "step dad" to my children again. His own children are all grown up and moved out and he is at a stage in his life where he has no responsibilities. My youngest is still only 4 years old.

He loves me so dearly and he is sad that he can't give me what I want and what my children deserve. We tried to break up but its so difficult as we are so in love with each other. We want to try but we don't know how.

Yesterday, I ended the relationship with him. I just hate to see that the man I love struggles to be part of my life just because he loves me. I figured that the only way to love him now is to let him go.

I've posted my story in a Facebook group but many people are very cynical about "this type of man". Some thinks he has been playing me from the start and that if he really loves me he should accept my children and be a step dad no matter what. They think he should not have waited 2 years to tell me that. I want to say I don't agree with them. I accept that he hesitated at first, but he tried and tried and it just didn't work out for us.

I am so heartbroken and it's killing me inside. 💔

I'm not sure I understand why you have to separate. Why can't you keep on going as you have been with him seeing your dc only at his instigation - and maybe never. Could you not cover up a lessening of contact with the excuse of him having more work?

Robinia that's the thing. Do I really want to be with a man who doesn't want to have much to do with my children? I am still happy to date now but 2 years down the line and might want to be more settled and want more commitments from him.

Perhaps with a new man I can separate my life again but with him its hard to go backwards since he's been so involved already.

I honestly dont know what the solution. We are both very upset and we dont know what to do.

Agree with Robina - why do you have to split up over this? .

If you only have your children with you half the week surely you can have a couple of evening 'dates' and a sleepover without it impacting on the children?

You don't have to make long term plans, just enjoy meeting up once or twice a week.

Just seen your update - why do you need to 'be settled' ......... surely the fun part of a relationship is the dating not the housework/drudgery/washing/ironing/meeting each other's boring friends etc etc .

If you both are so upset about this then surely it is worth having a re-think about how to establish your relationship?

Ragwort, I did enjoy they way we were until this whole thing kicked off.

He did say in one of his last messages that he wants to always be with me, I am guessing that means he doesn't want to share me with my children and only see me 50% of the time.

And he works away a lot so sometimes it might not be 50%. So if we want to see each other it is unavoidable that he comes to mine and also see the children.