How long does it take to get over separation and divorce?

[Definitelymaybe01]

I know this is a 'how long is a piece of string' question but how long was it for you?

Background: STBXH left about 11 months ago. We argued about everyday life stuff, nothing major though, I felt taken for granted and felt we needed to work on relationship. He decided he wanted freedom, I found out he got too close to someone else, he bought a campervan and travelled Europe. I haven't seen or heard from him for 9 months. I felt so low but settled into my new life out of necessity. I struggled through, I cried and got angry, and slowly I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

He's now got in contact to tell me he still missed and loved me, but that he can finally breathe and thinks he shouldn't be in a relationship with me. He wants to drive the divorce forwards now, which shouldn't be difficult as finances already separated and we don't have children (we were ttc).

I suddenly feel I'm back at the beginning. Anxious, teary and low. I had made so much progress but it suddenly feels raw again.

Why am I feeling that way and how long will it take to get over it? We were together for 10 years, married for 5.

I think it's always easier to get over someone if you don't have to see them or hear from them. So after 9 months of no contact, which gave you the breathing space you needed to come to terms with the separation, it's not surprising that your ex's reappearance, accompanied by a request for divorce, has upset you so much. My experience is that getting over someone isn't linear. Things will always set you back - contact from that person, a song, hearing stuff about them via a third party, etc - so you'll have good periods and bad periods as you move on with your life. So see this as a setback, by all means, but I doubt it means you're back to square one. Just that this has given you an unpleasant shock.

Thank you, Juneau. Yes, maybe seeing it as a set back rather than back to square one will help.

I find myself constantly checking emails and watching out for his car.

It's taken almost two years for me to sto feeling so crap. Long long story (aren't they all) but am feeling vaguely better and totally different. I can't remember what I was like before, which is very odd.

Best of luck. (I have only seen ex once (last summer) since he moved out and that was enough to remind me how much better things will eventually be!!)

Thanks, Kenny. Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. Hang in there!