Are we over - please help and advice needed

[Canon15]

Sorry in advance for the long post. Will try and narrow it all down as much as possible. Just looking for advice and perspective.

Husband and I have been together 10 years and have 3 children (a singleton and twins). The twins are only babies.

Since the twins arrived we have been under a lot of strain We have been arguing a lot more since they arrived and I've noticed for some time now that my hubby just doesn't show me any affection. I feel he just treats me as a live in nanny/maid! Even when I put make up on and make an effort he never compliments me but manages to somehow put me down in front of people or when we are alone. Just the other day he humiliated me about my choice of footwear in front of my family. It was completely bizarre and out of the blue.

I am always complimenting him and try to cuddle up to him in bed but I get nothing. He just lie there not facing me and doesn't say anything. We have only had sex twice since the babies have arrived. Admittedly I do have just over a stone to lose which I am currently working on. However the efforts I am going to to lose the weight my husband seems to try and put a spanner in the works. For example, I started going to a fitness club (on his advice) two days a week. However he is now saying I can't do one of the days because it's too difficult for him with the kids and said I can only do one of the days. However yesterday he called me on his way home from work asking me if I planned to go to the fitness class....I said that I did and he immediately said fine but he has to do some fitness too and will have to do it when I come back which means we will have no time together. He harped on about how he needs to do his fitness which is more important because his job dictates that he has to be fit. I explained that that was fine and I can arrange to do more fitness whilst babies are sleeping at home and I could get up very early and run in the mornings. He spent the rest of the evening in a mood and barely said a word to me.

I am convinced he doesn't find me attractive any more and is now just with me for the sake of the kids. I want to approach him about it but I am petrified of what his answer would be. I have no money to my name so have no where to go. My mom died this year so don't even have her to turn to. The house and cars are all in his name and he sorts the finances. I feel I literally have no way out but I can't keep living like this.

Please any advice or a bit of perspective on this would be great.

if you are married and in the UK, the cars and house and money are all joint assets and you would have at least half if you split. His name on them has no relevance.
You need to clarify what is going on. You can't live like this. Stop worrying about if you are attractive enough and talk to him. If he is unresponsive, change things.

Would he be open to going to counselling?
This will only work if you are 100% he is in no way abusive at all.
That means financial as well.
The fact you have no money at all is very worrying.
Do you have access to a joint bank account?
If not, then I suggest you contact Womens Aid and talk to them about financial abuse.

I'd leave if dh treated me like that.

A stone is nothing, it's him, not you. Get some legal advice about what you're entitled to, then tell him to feck off. He's not with you for the kids, he's far too selfish for that, he can't bear having them twice a week while you go to the gym! More likely he wants an easy life, maid/nanny/childcare/sex and not paying maintenance or looking after the kids by himself are a more likely reason imo.

Thanks for your responses. I am in the U.K.

I think he could be open to counselling but I suppose that wouldn't get us anywhere if he no longer loved me.

We do not have a joint account. When I got paid I always just transferred some of my pay into his account. I no longer have a job as I am unable to work because of child care costs.

My whole life has changed this last year and I believed it would all be okay since I thought we were in a loving relationship but the past 6 months have been so up and down (more down) that I just don't know how much longer I can keep going.