DH and I have been together 17 years, married for 10. We have 3DC's aged 16, 10 and 8.
For background, in December 2015 DH decided he wanted to separate. It was a really, really difficult time but having been a SAHM I knew I needed to support us so I went back to work FT. DH and I reconciled but I stipulated that me going back to being a SAHM wasn't an option.
Fast forward to this year and its been tough. I got little support from DH and DS2, who has severe autism wasn't doing well in school, holiday clubs were a no-no and he hated his after school club. Therefore after much discussion we decided I needed to give up FT work in order to support DS and the other children (DS1 was going through GCSE's and was anxious and stressed).
But I am bored, really bloody bored. DH pays me a wage so I am not any worse off financially, but I miss being 'important', and I miss interaction with other people.
So I have told DH that I want to go back to work. I cant stand it at home and I feel my MH is being effected. I have found a job I would really like to apply for. Its shift work and not very well paid, but its a great job and one I know I will be great at.
I am scared to tell DH I am even thinking about it. I know I will get the same spiel I always get. He does earn 10x what I can, but he doesn't seem to see it isn't about money. He can be extremely flexible as he works for himself (think golf at least once a week/long lunches/gym visits). I don't want to be a SAHM, I want my independence and if I am honest I want to support myself rather than relying on him. If I am honest I think he doesn't want to deal with the children and sees it as my job to do all the donkey work, and he doesn't want to step up. He also doesn't want me to curtail his lifestyle (although he will deny this if I bring it up).
I don't really know why I have posted, or if I an make it better, but it has helped to get all me feelings out I suppose.