Imagine you were like 40 or something and someone popped up claiming to be your half-sib that you never knew existed...

[TheFoosAreYoungUpstarts]

What would you do/think/feel?

Springydaffs, I@m with you, I'd love a half sibling so long as they bore not too much resemblance to my current sibling

My dc's sadly have this to come. My ex has gone on to have 2 children but has refused contact with my dc since they were 12&9. His new daughter will be too young to remember them and they other child has been born since. He told my dc that he would never tell his new ones about them. He's a cruel bastard

I was adopted. My bio father went on to have 3 children who are I suppose my half-siblings. I have no idea if they know about me or not. He obviously did and also received information on me and photos long after I was grown (not through me - I had no interest in him). He is dead now but I'm pretty sure his wife knew or suspected about me. Not sure whether she told her children. I have zero interest in meeting them. If one of them contacted me, I might meet up once out of politeness/kindness but that would be it.

Amazing the number of "secret" children out there.

My dc's sadly have this to come. My ex has gone on to have 2 children but has refused contact with my dc since they were 12&9. His new daughter will be too young to remember them and they other child has been born since. He told my dc that he would never tell his new ones about them. He's a cruel bastard

There actually should be a law against this kind of cruelty. I would rather see someone like this put in jail than many small-time criminals.

Happened to me at 38. I'd sussed that I'd got half siblings just before my half sister contacted me. She's lived around the corner from me, all my life. We have a relationship of sorts

I was 26. Totally messed up my life - a whole load of other stuff came out about my mother, too. I'd had absolutely no idea, but as well as my mother, my father, aunts, uncles, adult cousins must all have known, and if they'd all managed to hide that from me, what else could there be? I told my full sister, because I couldn't be part of the secret, if she found out later I'd known, but she had suspected there was something, and had actively chosen not to find out, whereas I had assumed she had absolutely no idea as I haven't, so she was really angry with me for making her know. We've never spoken about it again in the 20 years since.

I still struggle to trust people, and I have been single most of my life. It's a little easier now my mother's dead, but it's still there like a cloud with some of the rest if the extended family.

I think people should know if they have half-siblings, but it's better to grow up knowing rather than have secrets. If someone doesn't know, ve careful about how the news is broken. It may not be taken the way people expect.

It is something I've thought about because my dad left when I was tiny and we've had no contact so perfectly feasible he's gone on to have other DC. I think I'd be fairly receptive if a half sibling contacted me, certainly curious enough to get to know them a bit at least.

My mum passed away really suddenly last year. My brother and dad died a few years ago too, so it's just me left now.

My mum didn't leave a will, but her solicitor was explaining to me how everything would be really straight forward in terms of inheritance, unless a half sibling or secret family made themselves known, and I remember thinking please, please, please let their be a half sibling out there. I'd love to have some family again.

My half sib found me in the last ten years. Knowing her has been great, I think we are good friends. The parent we shared had died a year before my sister found me.

It didn't unduly affect me. People's lives are shades of grey. Things happened to our parents before we knew them. Another person to love is always nice.

I'm in a parallel situation to the OP, I was adopted at a young age and at last count as far as I know there are:
( denotes that they are aware of my existence)

*Children to bio mother and father:

• me
• older sister*

Other Children to bio mother* (to same father):

• sister*
• sister*

Other children to bio father:
Mother1:*

• brother
• brother

Mother 2:

• sister
• sister

There could well be more

This has all come about through some fairly amateurish online detective work over the last ten - fifteen years. I alternate between being morbidly fascinated and terrified of making any further contact.

Every aspect of it continues to be a huge factor in wrecking my mental health from time to time once you mix in a lot of the other stuff that often comes with adoptive families of our vintage; attachment disorders, guilt around "betrayal" of your adoptive family, oscillating between wanting to distance yourself from it all and then getting drawn back in.

I would love to think it was as simple as getting in touch and everything would be "rosy" but I seriously doubt it - my limited contact with those that are asterisked above, despite our best intentions is often stilted and awkward as each time it raises difficult issues for all of us.

The biological father it seems abandoned the two brothers at a very young age, I could contact them at the click of a mouse, but what purpose would it serve? What baggage do they carry around because of that behaviour - I don't know? The same with the second set of sisters - brought up hundreds of miles from me and possibly unaware of their fathers behaviour, while part of me would like retribution against him, to what end would that be? Why bring pain and chaos into their lives?

Through the power of Facebook you can covertly see how we are all connected - a mutual friend here and there, a resemblance in a photo - it just throws up so many conflicts but most of all how is it going to affect the people that have always been there for me and truly loved me without question? The lovely, kind, now elderly couple that brought me up and are "mum and dad" regardless? How is it repaying them by continuing to look for something else? We try to discuss it with them, explain the pain and they can't wish it away for me, all they ever wanted were children of their own.

It makes me feel like the worst person, as if I'm trampling on everything that they've done, without question each time I go down the path of looking for more information. I don't know what to do any more, I have my own partner and children to focus on now and parents and family that always have and always will love each other regardless and test I still keep wanting that missing piece. Thanks for reading if you've got this far, it was good to get it out, I hope I haven't derailed the post. I hope you all find peace in some way.

Asterisks : * & bold fail right there!

Wouldn't surprise me. My df wasn't known for his fidelity and is very open about it with us (parents are divorced) . Would be interested to meet them.

Thank you everyone for your responses - I've read them all and am digesting them.

Please don't think I'm terribly rude if I go a bit quiet - I'm just pondering

If you do decide to get in touch then I hope it works out well for you.

No I don't wish they'd stayed away - we get on well.

We're not massively close, though.

My grandma had a half sibling she never knew about. It only came to light some years after she died. That sibling has also died but there's been contact with the family. They're not a huge part of our lives as it's a bit too far removed now, but a relative keeps in touch from time to time. We're also not sure whether my grandma's sister that she grew up with was her sister. My great grandma must have been a right one for secrets!

I met my half siblings when my father died. None of us were in touch with him.
I had some sort of relationship with one of them but nothing at all with the other.
That relationship stopped many years ago because he was an arse like my father.

But a few years ago I got in touch with his ex wife and kids and we are really close now and have lovely relationship. They didn't really know anything about me as I hadn't seen them since babies.

My DD (7) has a half brother she doesn't know about. It plays on my mind a lot. Her father left us when she was 10 months old, got with another woman, got her pregnant and walked out when he found out. He's never seen his DS but does see my DD (only, I suspect, because his family knows about her and he's just reduced contact to once a month because it's all too much effort).
The mother of his DS has contacted me a few times to get the kids to meet up which I'm not against BUT she doesn't want DDs dad to know which puts me in the position of either lying to DD about who this boy is or asking her to lie to her dad. Neither of which I'm comfortable with and so I have declined so far. Still feel guilty though that she doesn't know. Especially as I have just had a baby and she's an incredibly invested big sister to him :(

Peachy. I would say be honest to your daughter. I'm pissed that everybody kept secrets from me even if they thought they were doing it for the right reasons.

I've learnt that secrets have a habit of tearing families apart when they finally come out.

One thing that I should add is that the siblings that I've made contact with seem to be lovely people and I have no regrets whatsoever having made contact with them, despite the turmoil it can create.

I was effectively heading down the suicidal route in my twenties before seeking them out for information - weird as it sounds following on from my previous posts, my mental health is better on balance for having done it. I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of them is on here.

My DH has an older half sister he's never met - FiL went through a messy divorce prior to meeting MiL.

I know he'd love to meet her but has no idea how to make touch and is worried about upsetting all the older generation. I think he'd be very open to a relationship if she made contact.

My husband has 2 half siblings that have no idea they're related. They've known the family since they were small (parents got friendly etc) and they grew up oblivious to the real situation. His biological dad still hasn't told them about my husband. They'll probably never know.

As is to be expected there's a huge variety of experience because people are so different.

I'm mates w my new sister because we have things in common & her birth precedes my mum & dad being together. Though if she was the result of adultery it would hardly be her fault, so I'm not sure it would change things.

A friend of mine has a brother she's met recently & while she says he's nice she doesn't really see him. Her childhood was fairly impeded upon by her dad's blatant and serial adultery so that's probably a big part of it.