More of an AIBU but I was drawn here as I felt/hoped you might be kinder.
I'll keep it brief but I am wallowing a little and I suspect I'm being needy and demanding but putting it down in keystrokes might help. It might get long and wander from the original point ...!
Slightly hormonal which may or may not be relevant, it was my birthday and my partner told me to take the day off work which he did too. I was excited to have a treat - times have been very lean in recent years whilst I have financially and emotionally supported him through his loss of job, physical health problems and severe mental health issues. Things should be on the up as he has a secure new job and medication seems to be working.
He bought me a card, but no gift. We went into town to do some shopping and he paid for some things I had picked up (boring everyday items totalling less than £20), then we schlepped round a supermarket where I had to pick up all the usual reduced yellow sticker goods to make some sort of dinner. (I am working through some debt I incurred supporting him over recent years so bargain hunting is normal fare and shopping at full price especially for clothes and luxuries is rare)
On the way home he got really angry and confrontational, which is so typical of his mental health issues, that I was in a bad mood and I had ruined his day off. I can't stand confrontation atall and I withdraw into myself , mostly because I struggle to get my point across to him when he's frustrated so I just quietly say I'm okay, its nothing, its not about you but then leave him a written note to digest it in his pwn time. I explained that I was grateful for him taking today off and I've had a nice day and thankful for him buying me some much needed goods, but it wasn't the same as a gift and I had sort of hoped for some sort of special effort made on a meal tonight?
Firstly, AIBU and I've made too much of a deal about one day and material goods and am I really being selfish and rude as he has suggested in reply.
I think typing this out is a cathartic process - Sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees myself and now I'm in a swamp of self pity because its my birthday and I'm feeling aged and hormonal!
I instigated a split in the past and the feeling of empowerment and self belief was enlightening - I have never felt so proud of myself. Unfortunately, I felt at the same time extremely worn down by the stress of a split and sorting out family stuff etc and I ended up taking him back as it seemed the less stressful way to carry on. I am 50/50 whether I am pleased we are working on it or I have let myself down.
I need to talk this all through with someone; I have a wide circle of friends and contacts but most know me in a professional sense, meaning I don't have that close confidant to sound off on which is what has drawn me here for some peer support I guess. Professionally I'm very confident, outgoing and forthright and hold a position of high responsibility. Behind closed doors I'm a doormat with no self esteem!