Childish?

[toitoi]

I know I am being childish but it gives me some tiny satisfaction. So the question is shall I stop or ramp it up?

H left last august. He swore blind there was no one else. I even named someone and asked if he was seeing her. Hey presto, a month later she is round all the time having dinner, watching tv, hanging out with my children. Then I accidentally discover they have booked a long haul holiday together whilst I am away for a month with the kids taking them overseas to visit their grandmother. He continues to deny anything is going on. They are just friends and she is supporting him in his terrible trauma of being married to me for 15 years and being in a relationship with me for 25 years. Then I find an old letter down the back of a drawer from her to him. Whilst it isn't definitive, it is not appropriate between colleagues in my view and refers to exciting changes in the coming year - the only change in his life that I know of was moving out. He still denies it all and says that I always think the worst of him and this is a reflection of my negativity and one of the reasons why he left (actually I was pretty cheery before all this, albeit cynical at times). Now his lady friend is a former friend and she has said some stuff to me that is totally out of order, memorably that we never had a real marriage.

Here come the childish bit. I refer to her to him as Slutty McSlutface or the Russian whore. And if I ever drive past her on the street I slow down a bit and give her the finger. I know it's not graceful but I want to cause her discomfort (I already cause him as much inconvenience as I can) and otherwise she waltzes around scotfree.

The best advice, now that you've given a little more detail, is to stop talking to him. Short of that, fgs don't entertain any chat about her views/ what she's said.

Contact needs to be minimal and businesslike. You need to begin to heal.

And the next best advice, as others have said, is to cease the borderline criminal behaviour. Be angry, but keep a handle on yourself, the last thing you need is even more drama in your life.

And really bad? Surely really bad is cheating and lying. And that is something I have not done.

Also... Just remember that it's not illegal to cheat on someone or lie to them about it.

It is illegal to harass someone in the street though.

Ethically they did wrong, but sadly you are actually legally in the wrong. That's not good news for you and it's really important that you keep that in mind when you have the impulse to hurl abuse at OW.

Do you think you're the only one that's been there OP? My exW cheated on me with her boss, then moved him into the FMH. In my daydreams I frequently took a baseball bat to his head and then torched his car. Usually with the ex in it.

Back in the real world, I was well aware that rearranging his face would just result in my not seeing my dc. So I sucked it up and got on with it. I kept it civil and resisted the urge to tell him (and her) exactly what I thought. And you need to, too.

Them running out of patience with you isn't anything you should worry about. Them running out of patience and as a consequence reporting you to the police for harassment should though.

Rightly so, it seems you are full of anger because your ex lied to you and he continues to lie to you. OP - he's always going to lie to you. He's a liar. He's always been like that - you probably didn't see it when you were in your relationship - just like his current gf doesn't see his lies either atm.

You are over invested in what they are doing. You are over invested in him.

When you 'fight' you just give them more ammunition to talk over and make it more 'fun' for them to be together. He's the sort of person who gets a kick out of it. You are 'feeding' them every single time they get a reaction from you. Every time you do this you give away your power. You keep yourself trapped in the feeling of him abandoning you, of him lying to you. This is not healthy or good for you.

You and his gf are like two kids in the playground fighting over a toy - BUT you have not realised the toy is broken - this toy doesn't work - this toy is never going to work.

You don't need that toy. There are plenty of other things you can do in the world. The only way forward is to stop all contact with him because let's face it - keeping contact is keeping the pain on and on and on. Stop choosing to have pain in your life all the time. You deserve better.

Work out some other things to think about if you happen to see them. They are nothing to you because you have more important and nicer things to do. If you haven't got more important and nicer things to do and you choose not to go and find some you'll just make yourself miserable for ever - over some twatty bloke full of lies.

"He cheated, not her" - this other woman was fully complicit. She is NOT the innocent party at all.

Why should the OP be nice to her?

"He cheated, not her" - this other woman was fully complicit. She is NOT the innocent party at all.

Why should the OP be nice to her?

Who said Op had to be nice? She's aiming her venom at the woman when it was her H that cheated on her.

OW was OP's good friend so its a double betrayal and must have been a horrible shock and incredibly painful.

But it's also true that you're giving them ammunition and it would be better to try and stop him ever mentioning her. She's nothing to you. She was a bad friend and he was a bad husband and they're welcome to each other.

I'm sure happier days are ahead OP.

Stop chatting to your ex. Be business like and that's all. Cut off any chit chat.

People are suggesting that you stop calling her names and giving her the finger because you are better than that. NOT because she hadn't done anything wrong and she doesn't deserve it.