Cold or normal?

[itisi]

Is it normal for a man to go through 12 years of marriage and never ever be romantic? I.e.: show raw /spontaneous emotional reaction for you? I have been told "I love you" every day. But never brought flowers, asked/taken out for a meal just because, been spoilt on my birthday, kissed passionately (he doesn't like kissing) or whisked away on a romantic break or been given a present- just for being me. Is this men in general or just my husband? All in all I feel loved and supported but I have a romantic need that's huge and never fulfilled. Who's the idiot here?

DrMorbius. Thank you for your tactful input there. Would you have said that to my face? If so you need to look at yourself. And just fir the record I work out 5 days a week am a size 8 and if I may say so myself most definitely have it going on. Husband agrees too- but only when I ask, but then declines intimacy 9 out of 10 times with me unless it's "to shut me up". I have many friends both male and female and am socially pretty busy. I do think though at the end of the day it's how someone feels about you that matters not how you look etc.... there are many good looking people around but we don't all want to be with them. Attraction isn't always obvious. Unless of course DrMorbius, you are very shallow.

80smum. Thank you for your post. You're right in that people are different and don't value things that we always do. TBH I can't be bothered with the card thing either and see it as a waste of time. I do like to think though that I would make the effort to send you one if I knew you simply because I know what it would mean to you. Men do seem quite lazy in their efforts towards others feelings. Perhaps they genuinely don't feel like us? They have just very simple needs and little emotional at all.

A big worry for me though is that I don't fancy him anymore. 😳

You have only one life and you have to live it well.
Are you getting anything out of this relationship at all. He has no time for you -but he can complete an iron man challenge. You have sex to "shut you up" and you don't fancy him.
Have you actually sat down and told him that you are unhappy and close to calling time on the relationship?

No wonder you don't fancy him anymore. It isn't very sexy to be rejected and not treated with care and affection

I have. Many times, in fact it's got to the point where he says "you know where the door is". It's really crap I know but I think I'm so low Im scared of taking the plunge in case I never find someone else. I can't say I believe people that are single and say they love it. (I have many single friends all looking for someone and often getting messed around, I see it here too. I've always wanted a romance or a man in my life in some shape or form. But I remember when we got married I was so happy and recall thinking "all that looking for someone to feel like this with, thank god i never have to look again). He honestly was the only man Ive wanted that felt the same way about me.,I can't believe those feelings have gone. I wouldn't want the life I had before him back ever.

Please excuse typos and punctuation- am on my phone.

What a mean post DrMobius

Similar situation doesn't really do valentines either. However, there are lots of other things he does do that I count as romantic. I think the older you get, small things count more than passion and fun.
Have you read love languages at all? Or something similar?! Might help

These sort of posts make me laugh. You want to be treated like a"hot" catch, but my guess is you no longer look like that. In other words you are part of a "whole situation"

How very childish and nasty, dearie me.

OP, sorry but I think you need to call it a day; he clearly does not appreciate anything you do for him, he's not blind, he just doesn't really care.

Sorry to break it to you but those of us who have fulfilling lives manage to be quite happy without a man. Some women feel insignificant without a partner but not all. And I wouldn't swap your current situation for my single life for a single second. I'm not single now I met someone after nearly a decade by myself and I have to say I didn't spend any of that decade feeling unloved unwanted and trapped with a man who doesn't show me any respect.

I should have ended that with: being alone is actually great in many ways people aren't lying to you

Itisi - now I get it. Your posts didn't completely make sense before - you'd say you feel loved, yet at the same time seemed to be ready to run as far as you could.
Rejection is tough. I am sorry.

Do you think it's a matter of mismatched libido? Or a medical issue? Or something else?

Leaving because of unhappiness - is tough. Not many people manage. Many decide to stick it out so as not to be alone. Others - line up the next relationship before leaving.
(Don't beat me, it won't make untrue)

So sad to spend your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you, no wonder you're feeling so low. You sound fab and I bet you'd get snapped up pretty quickly if you took control of your life and left. Being single can be pretty fun too!