No sex or affection is killing my marriage and I am at my wits end

[namechangedxxxxxxx]

Please help I just need someone to talk to. My DH and I haven't had sex in over seven years and I am losing my mind. He doesn't touch me, we don't kiss, no back rubs or hand holding, nothing.

The last time we had sex we conceived my son who is now 6 and a half. It wasn't great before that either.

I have stuck by him because I love him and I am otherwise really alone in the world. But I can't stand it anymore. I have a relationship with my vibrator but these days every time just makes me cry. He won't talk about it. Refuses. Says he's ashamed of his body but won't fix it. Won't talk to a doctor. I told him I want to move out and he won't talk about that either.

I am at the end, I feel so heartbroken, unattractive and worthless.

I think the children are a bit of an excuse on my part. I am genuinely scared I won't be able to make it without DH. I met him when I was 22 and we don't live in the U.K.

I was with my ex from 19 ish to age nearly 32. We had also emigrated and I thought I was all alone.

It's been over for nearly two years now and I am so happy and DC happier than they've ever been. Yes it's been hard but it was worth it. I am more myself than I have been since I was a teenager. I look back and wish I'd left earlier!

I know you're scared but things can be better than what they are now. They really can x

Thanks thestamp

The company I work for has some people to offer legal advice. I'm going to make an appointment tomorrow.

DH and I being super civil to each other while discussing who should move out

I don't really have any advice here but my heart breaks for you, I really hope you find happiness and somebody who adores you

I can't even imagine it Leebee but thank you.

So last night DH and I actually had a sort-of conversation. He said it's clear I don't fancy him anymore anyway. Which is true, too much has happened for me to suddenly feel that way again. I have been trying for so long with no response and so I have shut down too.

Spoke to my lovely manager at work (didn't give details obviously) and she is so kind and supportive.

I am pretty sure there's no way back from this. We have to go to an event at dd's school tonight. Feeling awful and empty but relieved.

Just fyi, a lot of people don't realise as far as I'm aware (unless this has changed) you can go to Relate alone, your dp doesn't have to go as well. He may not like the idea of going to counselling but he may not like the idea of you going alone (talking about him etc) even more. Or you can go alone and focus on your relationship issues, sort out whether or not you want to try again etc.

Not all relationships are 'saved' by Relate (mine wasn't), that's not really the main point, the idea is to open up a healthy, constructive discussion (between partners or between a partner and a counsellor). It gave me a lot of clarity and was well worth it.

Good luck op!

User140etc... Is right, I went to relate alone and found it really useful in clarifying my problems, and strengths. It hasn't helped my relationship, but its certainly helped me.

Thank you Keepithidden for confirming they still do that, I wasn't sure if things had changed.

It would be great, I have heard before that you can go alone to relate but I'm not living in the UK and the language barrier here makes it hard to find something. I've been really lucky to find a lovely counselor who has english as her first language, she also does couples work so she knows what she's talking about. I see her weekly at the moment.