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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OW harassing me after break up

25 replies

WhatInTarnation · 25/06/2017 14:59

I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago after finding out he was having an affair with a teenager for 6 months. He is still with her now and I've left them both well alone even though he has been doing everything he can to get in touch and begging for me to take him back which I just ignore. I never bothered her at all apart from being nice when everything was found out as I was told she didn't know about me, but it seems she did after all and has form for going after taken men. As far as she is concerned she's "won" Hmm so this next bit makes no sense.

I'm getting no end of hassle from her, I'll block and never engage but its getting a bit ridiculous. She'll keep finding new ways to get in touch to leave nasty messages and it feels like ignoring her is just riling her up more. I got in touch with my ex to try and get her to stop and he's as annoyed as I am that I'm getting this when I've done nothing to deserve it but still she's not stopping.

What am I supposed to do in this situation? When does it become a stalking/harassment problem that the police would get involved with? I'm a bit worried as she knows where I live (after my ex decided to sleep with her in my house while I was away for christmas).

Bit confused by it all because I really have just been trying to move on and not be involved in either of their lives. You'd think they'd be happy to finally be together properly but I seem to still be a major focus for them.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 25/06/2017 15:02

How old is she?

The next message she sends reply and say if she contacts you again you'll be getting the police involved for harassment.

RockyBird · 25/06/2017 15:03

Just let the police know.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2017 15:03

Document absolutely everything she says and does and go to the police. Ask them what they can do to assist you. This crazy bitch is stalking you and you need to take it seriously.

Original poster
WhatInTarnation · 25/06/2017 15:04

She's 18. My ex did tell her I'd threatened getting the police involved quite a while ago, I wasn't keen on getting in touch myself in case I made it worse. Bit of a difficult one.

OP posts:
FelineEleganza · 25/06/2017 15:04

Print out the evidence, texts and messages etc, take it straight to the police and let them deal with the silly little bint. That will hopefully give her the reality check she needs.

Bare in mind her only opinion of you is from what your Ex has told her though, I suspect he is probably pulling the strings.

troodiedoo · 25/06/2017 15:05

Report to police, keep a record of everything but don't engage.

Sounds like a nightmare situation Flowers

Gemini69 · 25/06/2017 15:06

Hand your phone into the police and get yourself another...

I had to do this.. they WILL charge her x

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 25/06/2017 15:06

It only takes 2 contacts to count as malicious communication/harassment under the Telecommunications Act. It's an arrest able offence. You can phone 101 for advice and tell them how many times she's contacted you.

Is she under 18? If so, I'd be asking the ex to speak to her parents. Saying that, I wouldn't believe a word he said about talking to her and asking her to stop, he could well be complicit. After all, he's obviously lied to you about being fitful before you found out about his affair.

NotTheFordType · 25/06/2017 15:07

No wonder he's trying to worm his way back, he's just realised he left you for a complete fruitcake. Lol.

Keep all her messages. I've been informed before that you need two instances of you saying "Do not contact me again, I don't want to hear from you" before you can get anywhere with a harassment charge.

However if anything she says is at all threatening (EG "I'll get you", "you should be careful", "I know where you live", etc) then report it now. A nice in depth chat with the police sounds like a good thing for this woman.

Tatiannatomasina · 25/06/2017 15:10

If it is threatening, abusive or insulting and it is causing you harassment, alarm or distress contact the police and have her arrested for harassment. She may get a warning first but if it continues take it all the way.

Original poster
WhatInTarnation · 25/06/2017 15:17

Thanks everyone. I didn't know if I'd just be over reacting if I went to the police, if she gets in touch again I will send the "Do not contact me again" message and if she carries on I'll make sure to hand it all into the police.

Fingers crossed she'll get bored soon.

OP posts:
Funnyonion17 · 25/06/2017 15:23

It sounds to me without you playing the pick me dance the excitement has ended for her being the appealing OW, she's become the ordinary girlfriend and if she has form for being the OW she's probably addicted to the 'thrill' of it. Also the police would absolutely put a stop to this, they helped me recently with an ex.

Your ex always wants what he can't have by the sounds of it, she's filled your place now and as he can't have you and being unattainable is shifting his attention back to you.

They both sound immature and good riddance, you deserve better!

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 25/06/2017 15:28

Phone the police on the non emergency 101 number, and if you have records of everything print them out and keep logs of future contact

Bluntness100 · 25/06/2017 15:34

How old is he? Sounds like she is jealous of you and she's clearly very immature.

KungFuEric · 25/06/2017 15:44

How old is your ex?

Original poster
WhatInTarnation · 25/06/2017 15:49

My ex is 32

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 25/06/2017 15:51

Well he will be regretting that decision. Sounds like it's not going well and she's blaming you because of jealousy.

SleepingTiger · 25/06/2017 16:31

She's not interested in your ex, she's only interested in you.

PollytheDolly · 25/06/2017 16:39

Malicious communications. A police matter and they should act.

Been there, done it and got it stopped. Good luck!

AlternativeTentacle · 25/06/2017 16:48

Was she 18 when the affair started?

gta · 25/06/2017 16:57

ring the police , I had this problem with my partners ex . It started off with messages , phone calls , fake profiles then it escalated to waitjnb near my house and even attempting to collect my son from nursery !
The police were great and she was charged with sec 4 stalking and I was granted a restraining order in court and she was ordered to 400 hours community service , a 6 month suspended sentence and a fine

QueenLaBeefah · 25/06/2017 17:00

Just go to the police. She is an adult and your ex has warned her that is she didn't stop you would go to the police.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/06/2017 17:04

She doesnt want your ex, she just wants to know that he would choose her over you. Except that now there isnt a contest as you dont want him and are not giving her another opportunity to win over you.

She is only 18 and this isnt the first time she has been the OW? She sounds very screwed up, a happy secure person wouldnt act like this so I am betting she has had a very troubled childhood.

I agree that send one message along the lines of you consider her action to be harrassment, that you have saved all of her messages and if she contacts you again you will be handing them all over to the police for them to deal with.

InfiniteSheldon · 25/06/2017 17:13

Go to the police, they will send someone round to have a chat with her. She us harassing you don't accept it.

Isetan · 26/06/2017 06:21

Do not say anything to your Ex about her behaviour, God knows what that two faced weasel is telling her. The police are the ones who can and should deal with this.

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