Shocked by my reaction

[roseanya]

I'll try to be brief. I am 35 and have been married for 6 months. Most of my friends have kids but I just don't feel it's for me, I have never felt compelled to try, and I have problems with my periods and ovulating so it has never happened 'by accident'

However this morning my friend announced her pregnancy, and I had a huge emotional reaction. I got very upset (in private to my husband) about how I feel now I will totally be the odd one out (she's the 4th friend in the group of 6 friends and the other is trying) and that I felt like they would think I was odd for not wanting them, and what if I did want them and can't? I always felt quite secure in my decision but today I felt like a bit sad, and a bit unsure. I can't work out if it's that I feel even more left out and distant from my friends, or If it meant maybe I do want that too but just didn't believe in myself enough to try and go for it because of my health issues and anxiety disorder. Ugh. Horrible feeling. Any opinions?

You've got a lot to deal with. Did you get married on the basis that you were intending to be child free?

It's no fun realising you may be the outsider in your friendship group, with all the rest having shared experiences you can't relate to. It's bound to rattle you. But that could be all it is.

We got married on the basis that it wasn't on the cards RIGHT now for either of us, and maybe never. We both agreed to be open to the idea should one of us feel strongly about it.

Maybe it's just a bit of a pride thing, like I feel less of a woman, less of a grown up, this club that I can't be part of that all my friends are.

Not sure.

I think you should go to counseling, and not because anything is "wrong" with you, because there isn't. However, a good therapist can help you sort through the conflicting thoughts you have about having children. It's common to have conflicting ideas about something, but if it's gotten to the point where your thoughts are causing anxiety and tears, it may be time to get some assistance.

The anxiety is a separate problem, not associated with the topic of children at all. Just something I thought may be a barrier to me having/wanting them.

I am a trainee counsellor and completely agree with the merits, so it's worth talking about it in a session. Thanks

As I was reading your post, I was going to write - it's totally normal to feel this way - when everybody around you seem to do/want to do something you are not interested in.

But then I saw you mention your health issue and anxiety - and it made me want to write - if I were you - I'd try to really understand if I wanted to be child-free as a choice, and not because I were afraid of wanting it and, possibly not being able to do it.
While former is a perfectly respectable choice, the latter is something you might regret.