Hi everyone,
I’m new to joining the forum although I’ve been reading for years and found some invaluable advice here. I’m not looking for any answers or solutions - I don’t think there are any but I just wanted to vent and perhaps find out if anyone else has ever been in a situation similar to my own?
I have a mother who is completely disinterested in me. We live about 20 miles apart but the effort is always on my part. I am the one who goes to her, the one who calls and texts or takes an interest in her generally. She rarely asks me how I am, what I’ve been up to or anything of a personal nature. Our conversations are always kept to generic crap. My older brother still lives at home and he is the golden child. She has always had a preference for him and when he is around she dotes on him and practically forgets I exist. It’s an absolutely heartbreaking experience. The few times I have brought this up to her which is not often as she doesn’t like deep or emotional conversations and always shies away from them, she told me that the reason she bothers more with him is because he lives with her and I “have my own life and don’t want to interfere”. I personally think this is just a bullshit excuse. Surely you don’t stop bothering with your child because they have a life of their own? I think she has taken it as a personal insult that I chose to live a life separate from hers. It’s exhausting constantly seeking validation, approval and love from my mother. I have craved it all my life and still have not got it. I work from home some days and her comments are always something like “What did you do today? Nothing?” as if working from home is another way of me saying I sat on my arse all day! Is this narcassism? I sometimes doubt whether she actually even likes me. I don’t think I can remember the last time she said a nice word to me and the worst of it is that she has someone who would literally do anything for her and yet refuses to see it. I’m sure she sees me as the one who abandoned her and chose a boy over her. She has a very negative view of men and relationships in general which is why she never got into another one after she divorced but she has made my brother a sort of surrogate husband and relies heavily on him but then in the same breath will tear into anyone who is dependent on a man for security or emotional well being, as if it was the worst thing in the world to love someone 
.
I could have typed all night but don’t want to send you all to sleep. Has anyone had any experiences like this? How did you cope with it?
Thank you xxxx 