Somebody talk to me about how relationships work with a partner with herpes

[lifesafuckerattimes]

So...

How does it work when the man in the couple has genital HSV2, the woman has oral HSV1.

Definitely know this as was monitored in pregnancy for HSV2 so I don't have that but have had coldsores since I was young. Funnily I always wondered if I'd passed it to myself down below or an ex had passed it to me after oral as I've had bump that shows up on my left labia every now and then which is itchy but couldn't be described as a blister

Anyway I digress, my toddlers father informed me of him having herpes after I discovered I was pregnant. I was angry, hurt etc but a lot has happened since then and I'm over those feelings. I kind of understand his fear of rejection.

What I'm not over is the fear of contracting it. He has rare recurrences probably because he's had it at least 15 years but it's still in the back of my mind. I get coldsores, they're painful, I don't want to deal with it down below if it's painful like on the lips.

Someone please give me some insight. I'd love to have a good relationship with him, but sex is a big part of that, I want us to be relaxed and free and I just don't feel like that

My DH has genital herpes. He has also had it for 20 years so he gets smaller outbreaks. He also can, within reason, predict when they're going to come (tingling feeling/soreness/tiredness/viral-type symptoms.)

So we avoid having sex if he gets the feeling he might have an outbreak, we avoid having sex during outbreaks and for a week after the outbreak. It does affect our intimacy but we are aware of it and instead of blaming each other we just blame herpes and we try to stay physically close even if we're not having sex.

You'd know when you were about to get a cold sore and so it follows that he'd know when he'd be about to get an outbreak. So I assume what you're asking is do you trust him enough to abstain during that time.

Thanks for the response mark. See that's what I would expect, for him to get some prior warning of an outbreak. But he says he doesn't, the blisters just appear, which I think makes me more nervous. I always get prior warning if I get one on my lip.

I've gone through a number of emotions through learning more about the virus and how it could affect us but have come to the same conclusion, blame the shitty little virus, I don't blame him.

Can I ask do you use condoms? Sorry if that's too intrusive, you don't have to answer if you don't want to

Sorry x posted everyone he says he doesn't get a pre warning, I'm going to have to ask him again aren't I

I think that you having type 1 will probably boost your immune system to be able to fight off getting type 2. The bump you get on your labia does sound like herpes to me to be honest. Contact the Herpes Virus Association, they are experts on all things herpes related and are a mine of facts, support and information.

Heyday that's what I was thinking about the bump but have been reassured by the GUM that it isn't. They said you'd know if it was herpes as its painful, but my thinking is if it's HSV1 down below the symptoms may be very ever so slight due to my primary infection being on the mouth. To be honest the GUM haven't been great with regards to all of this. I was told by them no sex or oral during pregnancy which I understand, but it caused me to push DP away and consequently we split.

I've rang the herpes virus association a few times and they've just said to abstain when he has a breakout and consider condoms for the rest of the time.

The virus can be shed from the skin before and after an outbreak so you could already have come into contact with it during the time you have been with your partner. I guess you can only take so many precautions before it starts to dominate your thinking and completely destroy your sex drive. I know several people who have type 1 or type 2 but have not passed it on to their partners nor turned into celibate monks/nuns. Take reasonable precautions during an outbreak and try to just get with your life.

You and he can take valocyclovir (spelling might be a bit out) it suppresses outbreaks and reduces shedding.

I suffer from herpes, I don't know if it's 1 or 2 but it's my buttock and I used to get 12 or more attacks a year. I've been taking Valtrex (brand name) for 10 years and I now get about one flare a year which rarely gets past a red itchy patch now. Before I took it I was in agony for weeks, I couldn't sit, clothes were painful to wear and life was miserable.

I avoid sex if I have prodrome symptoms and none of my partners have had any symptoms. I do not know how I got it, no partner ever owned up to being the passer onner. This has been a live changing drug for me.

Thanks flamingo I had aciclovir in pregnancy. Not sure if the clinic would give out on a permanent basis, they kind of just told us to get on with it when I last went

Thought I'd update

Went to GUM clinic, I have BV that I have previously had on numerous occasions. They've given me antibiotics, and a future supply if symptoms return. I'm quite good at spotting it as sex does seem to cause it.

I told them that DP has HSV2 and I have HSV1. They asked how often he gets outbreaks, told me not to have sex with him if he has sores and sent me on my way. I feel doomed