Polyamory/open relationships

[Graphista]

I think after a long time of being single (by choice) this might interest/suit me but I'd like to hear from others already knowledgable on this please?

I suggest you read up on what polyamory entails and think about the emotional effort it takes to maintain several relationships at once, reasons why youve chosen to be single, why youve decided several rwlations is now the choice for you, how you manage your own emotions at present and how this will translate to within several relationships and whether it is actually polyamory you want or just being a serial dater.

Look for a book called The Ethical Slut, it's a good place to start.

Thanks for the reply I'll check out that book

Do you want to be poly - which means making a commitment of your time and emotional energy to several partners? Or do you just want to be non-exclusive?

Either option is equally fine but if you value your independence and freedom then it sounds like the latter option might be most appropriate. In which case, all you need is a dating profile set to "casual dating" and you'll be up to your ears in would-be FWBs in a matter of hours 😆

I'm already doing the fwb thing and have for a few years. I enjoy it but I'd also like something closer to a 'normal' relationship with 1,2 or more people but with the ability to have sex with others too sometimes. (With the consent of those I'm closer to emotionally).

So open poly relationship or just open relationship.

I'm in a poly triad relationship which includes each of us sometimes sleeping with other people – with the full knowledge and consent of the other parties. What do you want to know?
WKWGOA3

are you asexual?

Strange question copperbeec33h - who is it addressed to? Graphista has made it clear that she's not, I think... See FWB comment two comments above.

because this type of relationship can suit asexuals very well, but if you are not asexual, then it is a completely different thing, that's why.

Well that's a fair point - but doesn't sound like it's relevant to Graphista, that's why I was asking...

I would say that polyamory/consensual non-manogamy/open relationships can suit - or not suit - all kinds of people and sexualities, and that sexuality not really the defining factor for success or otherwise.

Because, contrary to popular belief, it's really not about sex...

if it suits you then it is the way to go. There is a lot of crap spoken about these kind of relationships. I for one prefer them. They are not difficult provided you have the correct partners I prefer to call them friends and lovers. I don't live with any of them, preferring to remain independent. Sex is not top of the agenda, but if it happens it happens. I find it more intimate and mature than a monogamous relationship.

My last relationship was poly. It was awful. They were the primary (married) and I felt like a dirty bit on the side and left out. And it was a very open, public relationship and I had family support etc...

On paper it was great, i convinced myself it was great. It wasn't.

I find through experience a lot of poly people like to brag about how good things are when really everything is awful behind doors.

Just be careful. It cam be soul destroying.

Especially when you fall deeply in live with someone who is always going to put someone else first, despite claiming they love you both equally.
I had a mental breakdown and am still on edge and not over it 9/months later.

And its not about sex. I never had sex with the partner or any interest in that. Non of us did.

I think there can be terrible relationships in all setups - and that polyamorous relationships are no exception.

I think when done well there is the possibility for it to be wonderful, but it does require a lot of self-reflection, honesty and open communication. So in that it's not for everyone.

I think one of the most common mistakes is to try and prescribe the limits of a given relationship – and doesn't allow for the fact that relationships and feelings often won't happily remain within pre-defined limits.

So, in beginning this, everyone has to be open to changing dynamics, and the possibility that the shape of things will change over time. I think this is true in all relationships, actually, but naturally moreso when there are more than two people involved.

I think it doesn't work particularly well if anyone in the relationship is co-dependent - everyone needs to be pretty independently minded and happy in their own company. It works best as an understanding between individuals who see themselves as such.

I think it's this aspect of it that suits me - I've never been comfortable with the idea of being someone's 'other half'. I'm not looking for someone to 'complete me' - it's my job to complete myself if I find myself lacking.

So I'd say be careful in your choice of partners. Make sure they're being honest with you - but even moreso with themselves. Problems often happen when people say they want one thing but deep down want something very different. Make sure that you can all talk to each other openly and honestly.

And get a functional and robust system for scheduling and co-ordinating diaries!

WCWGOA3