what you think of this

[creamponies]

hi I am just out of a non violent E.A relationship for years.

I am in my early 30s. I am quite sensitive as a person. and spend my formulated years either never standing up for myself, being looked down, or being bullied.
I met a guy recently. A very nice guy, charming, successful, but with a big age gap over 20 s.

but I didn't mind as I liked him as a person.
he was my first date after my relationship ended and he knew this.
we had dinner, he mentioned he would like to see me again.
all good.
so he wanted to take me to someplace, and perhaps more. To which I agreed to.
but that day he called to cancelled on me but said he still wanted to see me for an hr or 2 due to our plans. as it be another 2 weeks in which I knew about. I agreed but mentioned to him that unless it was a emergency I usually honor my commitments first.

he assured me that he not like that as he knew I was a bit peeved.
we met and dtd. Which was fine but I wasn't pleased when I noticed he was checking his app online dating.
and I said to him. he said no.
and anyway he was due back and I rang him and the tone was a funny ring I think and when I rang him again I noticed it was blocked.
so I rang him on a friend number and to my surprised he answered.
all nice and polite. but a bit surprised and said he been busy but was going to call me. I acted all cool and not bothered.
after polite chit chat. he made a joke and I made a witty remark.

and he laughed. and I said you not I am not stalking you but it wasn't nice to block me like that . he said he wasn't but I clearly told how I knew. we ended the conversation on a polite note.

embarrsing as it was I am glad I acknowledge to him.
that it was not nice to treat someone like that. As the old me wouldn't stand up for myself. he could have slammed down the phone to me when he knew I was the other end. but didn't but In a weird way I did it. what do you think?
I hate for this to be printed as I embarrsed enough as it is.

just to add date 2 and 3 was a few weeks apart

I think you should show him the door.

He sounds unreliable and to block you is all you need to know in my opinion.

He only had one thing in mind.

Ditch this one. He's an arse and, I mean this nicely, you don't sound ready to be dating yet going on your own behaviour.

Take some time out and be kind to yourself.

thanks hun. I doubt I never ring him again. however I just couldn't say nothing to him which is a big first for me. I usually shy away. I certainly didn't suggest meeting again on the phone to him. or what day or week. at the end of thee day I am glad I call out a grown man like. but he was very surprised all the same.
I just needed to vent it out. but the worst part was I really liked him

we met and dtd. Which was fine but I wasn't pleased when I noticed he was checking his app online dating.

That should have been the end of it. Look, he's done that, then blocked you. Now you should block him.

I think it's great you confronted him. It's great for you and it teaches him you're not there to be messed about with.

It's really good that you stood up for yourself, don't get me wrong!

I very briefly got involved with a much older man very soon after leaving my EA marriage last year (also to a much older man). He was charm itself but was actually a complete fucking knob who was fully aware he was using an emotionally fragile younger woman to get his leg over. Similar behaviour to yours ensued, then I told him to get fucked and never contact me again. It felt great.

I've met a genuinely lovely man now, kind and generous of spirit in a way I have never experienced before, it was a complete surprise to meet him and it's turned out to be a lovely one.

I'd avoid dating apps entirely, there's genuine blokes on them but they are few and are between, is my understanding.

He didn't see you as relationship material for him but wanted sex and got it, then blocked you. Why did you call him to tell him it was rude to block you? If one of the many men I've blocked did that, it would have proven my judgment right because it's needy, desperate and stalkerish.

In future... Chill. Make them take you out on dates. They should be chasing you. Don't be a booty call unless you're looking for a fuck buddy. If someone feels the need to block you, think about what you may have done for them to feel they can't be honest with you. Some people will block everyone but most will only block someone if they see aggressive, offensive, scary, needy behaviour from someone who won't accept a 'this won't work'. You need to think about how they view what you're presenting.

I said to him at the time. are you on that site? he was no I said I seen the logo and I told him I noticed that you umatched me as our messages disappeared. he just bluffed .
sometimes its nice to say no its not nice.
but I have to say even though I told him he did squirm I told my friend who gave me her mobile to ring him. I am glad you let him know that you weren't letting away with that one. and im finally starting to stand up for myself. I say he does this to a lot of women

If a near stranger I'd met only a couple of times accusingly asked me if I was on the site I'd think they were nuts. Of course I check my messages... Until you're exclusive, it's the norm to see other people. Acting like they're cheating when they're no in a relationship with you is going to freak them out. If you're like that before a relationship, how bad would you be in one?

Save the intensity for where it's appropriate.

He shouldn't have lied though. He should have said, of course I am...

thanks poster I am so glad you found someone nice xxx you deserve it. yeah im going to give a little break on them .
I felt a bit duped tbh. he was like oh I want to see you again. blah blah but I rather he was honest I guess. I don't know

Almost certainly does!

You've had a lucky escape there and learned a lesson about yourself too - that you can stand up for yourself.

However now you need to not dwell and just move on, he was a twat and you told him so. Done. Take some time to yourself, you'll meet someone when the time is right. You've had a tough time in your previous relationship, it will leave scars you might not yet realise are there. They'll form part of who you are going forward but you should try to let them heal before venturing forth into the dating game. In saying that, you could meet the most amazing guy tomorrow, who knows, life is strange!

Hilda

Whilst you're not exactly wrong, your delivery is a bit lacking in compassion considering the op actually states she has recently come out of an EA relationship.

yes I would agree with the poster but this was like after we dtd the deed. I felt a bit hurt.
I was in the room with him. but he didn't see me at first. I should of walked out there and then.
now I know that

He sounds like a complete twat. Well done to you for calling him out for his behaviour. He sounds like he literally just wanted one thing from you. Horrible man.

I am sorry about your EA relationship and happy you got out and are finding your strength.

I don't know if you had any counselling, but I think it can help you get over insecurities and build confidence.
And you need to - to be able to navigate the modern dating world.

You need to be strong and not get needy and controlling on men early on. People don't go "exclusive" after one date. Not really.
And pointing out to him that he's been back on the site after your date - can only lead to being blocked very soon. As you have experienced.
You, of course, don't have to like it, but saying it like that, so early in your 'relationship' - you just can't do it.

And another comment - you said you 'really liked him'. You don't really know him, not after a few dates.
I think you are, subconsciously, looking for something romantic and want to fall for someone who'd save you from your bad memories.
It's hard to resist that one - but you may end up really hurt.

Good luck.

Thanks to all the posters. That took their time to post it helped me no end.
I agree with the counseling.
OK I am going to clarify something. At any point I did not mention about an exclusive relationship.

What happened was we went out. I ended up in his house. We had consensual whatever. Which was mutual. He knew he was the first one and I was a little bit nervous. He knew I don't really did that. But it was fun we both enjoyed it.
thanks to my ea ex that witholded sex from me. Well afterwards I went to the bathroom and when I saw him on the chair he was on his dating app. Yep I felt hurt there I had to say something to him. I was so shocked. I said are you on this dating app. He said no but I seen the logo. He quickly closed his phone.
At the point I told him I don't really go on but I did notice you unmatched me.
I just assumed you got rid of your account but clearly you didn't.
It was a bit awkward then. But I had to let it go.

Hey - good luck with dating.
It's not easy these days and you need to be tough and build your confidence.
Don't get too invested early on. Don't expect too much. Have them come for you, don't chase them.

As to sex - it's up to you what you feel comfortable with doing and when. It's not on them - like him knowing that it was a first time for you after your EA - it wasn't really relevant from his POV.
For him is was just sex. You consented. Full stop. In his head, it didn't make him owe you anything special.
So - your expectations and his expectations from your interactions didn't match. It happens. And will happen again.

And, hopefully, at some point you'll meet someone who will be right and you'll both want the same things from each other.

Thanks hunx.
You are very kindx. Thanks for pointing out his pov I never really consider it.
All I could think why would he do that and blocked me.
I feel a bit silly. There was nearly 30 years between us.

I don't care how casual a relationship is (and it sounds like this guy knew the OP wanted more than a ONS) - it's fucking rude to have just dtd with someone and immediately start cruising through a dating app for more.

Clearly he didn't have the guts to say "thanks that was lovely but I don't see this going anywhere," probably because he knew the earful he'd get back.

If a ONS is what both people want (and they're both clear that's what it is) then fine, but his behaviour was shitty beyond belief. It's a sad comment on where "dating" is at now that this is normal.

Thank you. So much. That's is exactly how I felt. But I couldn't put in to better words.
I do feel a bit low about it.
And had I known that about his intentions I would have never had gone there..
When I rang him that day.
He was surprised to hear me and mentioned that he was going to ring me next week sometime.
But he came back around my birthday and he. Never even said anything about it.
Not that I cared .