Emotional affair. Now I'm blocked and not sure if he's going to tell DH

[Inhiding40]

Name change for this as I'm not proud of myself.

For the last few months I've been having an emotional affair, we have had sex once.

I ended it on Friday. However he has turned nasty, blocked my number so I can't contact him on anything and now he has set up a fake FB account and sent my husband a friend request?! I can't ask him why he's done this, cause he's blocked me on everything.

My DH and I are on the verge of splitting due to many reasons, he's also cheated, but I'm worried if he tells him, that it will screw up my divorce settlement and I also don't want to hurt him because I still very much care for him.

Sad thing is, I actually thought this guy really liked me.

They're divorcing because the marriage wasn't good and he cheated. They're in the process of divorcing and she's perfectly entitled to sleep with who she wants. However, she's worried that he'll become difficult if he finds out she's slept with someone else (even though it was after he cheated and whilst they're separating). No advice op, except from now on wait until everything is sorted as it's easier that way.

Cricrichan which part of the OP's own post stating We have a family holiday booked in August so I'm trying to plod on until then before I ask for a divorce suggests that they're in the process of divorcing? Sounds to me like the DH is unaware of this, don't you think?

I think it sounds like the dh thinks they are making a go of it.

I think he has no idea she is planning s divorce after the holiday.

Why did you break it off with the OM?

cric have we read the same post. She views the marriage as failing, apparently he's fine with how they are and sees no problem. She is trying to hang on til August for the holiday then wants too start divorce proceedings. And is scared that OM will ruin all of this.

You can't use well he cheated first as a defense. OP found out about the affair and choose to forgive, it's not a bargaining tool to use as leverage for when she is in the wrong.

Thank god for WeeMcBeasie, LucieLucie and TooFew in particular.

Why are some posters so rabid and nasty, determined to get onto any thread where there has been any sort of affair/cheating/whatever and lash out at the OP on the there? You'd think that posters affected by this sort of thing, unable to offer any advice or support would swerve the thread but no, here they are. As usual. Urgh.

InHiding, is there any merit to having a conversation with your husband, telling him about the OM and discussing with him that papers should be filed now? There's nothing to stop you going on holiday as a family in August regardless, if that's what you both want that anyway but perhaps it would be a relief to both of you to get the divorce underway now.

You've blocked the OM, that's good. He has no moral rights and no reason to contact your husband so hopefully he will back off now. Regarding the settlement, if it were me, I think that I'd tell my husband about the OM so that there is nothing more that OM can do - and I'd end my marriage in honesty. If you're going to be the resident parent then the finances will be agreed accordingly and as far as achieving a 'better settlement' is concerned, once the essentials are taken care of I'd let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck.

why would he want to contact your Husband OP ? is he married ? is he a friend of your Husbands ? is he in your mutual social group ? I'm very confused as to why he would feel the need to inform your 'already sleeping in separate room' Husband of anything.. or is he trying to undermine your image to your STBXH...

either way.. don't be too hard on yourself OP.. there's none of us perfect .. take some time to yourself and try not to worry too much... we all make mistakes...

Does he have proof & is he the type to share it? If yes then I'd come clean, tell H you want a divorce & get it over With. Sounds an utterly miserable way to be living anyway.

I've never understood why people plod on because of a holiday. Your holiday is going to be shit because you are both miserable and you will be stuck in close proximity 24/7. Just end it now and pants to the holiday ffs.

Thanks for all the replies, even the not so nice ones...it's fine I expect abuse.

I think if he tries to contact my DH again then I will confess. He has no reason to tell him apart from revenge because I ended it.

Regarding the holiday, it is a consideration that I could take the DC on my own, maybe for the best.

If he's insistent on telling your H then he'll find a way; I assume he knows where you live? Whilst it's a shit thing to do - does he think you're going back to your H? Maybe he felt more for you, than you for him, and he's hurt?

That said, if your H has had a (recent?) affair & you are in separate bedrooms it's him you need to talk to, to bring it to an end. Some men/couples can live like this - enjoying all the home benefits & no child access issues until they meet someone else to move in with. Unless you've given you H ready n to think otherwise, your cheating H has nothing to criticise you for, having done the same.

Given your H reason to think otherwise...

if he tell him... put on your big girl pants and tell him .. x