I'm really hoping to get some advice/support/even a kick up the backside here...
For a quick background I'm 30. My DH and I have a 2 year old little one and since just after he was born, I've been battling with a growing realisation that I'm not happy in my marriage. A lot of previously papered over cracks appeared in the stress of a new baby and I was miserable. Several times I tried to ask for a trial separation but he kept saying no, he wanted to fight for it, to him marriage is for life and you keep working at it regardless because you made a vow. I was too tired and too miserable to pack and leave and felt I couldn't do that to him or the baby. Fast forward to now. I'm still feeling the same - we are fundamentally not right for each other. There are many reasons for this but essentially we got together at a very vulnerable time in both our lives; we found each other when we were both lonely and I was still in the throes of an eating disorder which had ruined relationships previously and meant my self esteem was on the floor. Friends tried to convince me he wasn't right but I ignored every warning sign including two break ups because I so badly wanted the fairytale (very long story short he is of a different religion, wanted and hoped I would explore it with him but I've ended up the only one out of all his family who doesn't believe or practice which I know he finds tough). He was also rude and sarcastic to my friends and really got their backs up but in fairness to him has always treated me amazingly and is very very supportive and loyal (but it's more in a sense of - if you're in his club then he'll do anything for you but most people aren't and so he's no time for them). BUT I cannot fault him on what an amazing dad he is. He is so good with our LO and to me. But at the end of the day I'm not the same person I was when we met. I'm stronger and more confident in myself since becoming a mum and can honestly say if I met him now, I wouldn't want to get with him. But the fact remains that I am with him, we have a kid and a house and I just feel trapped because he will never in a million years want to separate and I know will make it hard. What can I do? What can I say? If we were in a relationship without marriage and house and kid I feel it would be easier to cut ties but there's so much wrapped up in this that I'm just petrified. I've been to therapy and even my normally non judgemental and non advice giving therapist was very blunt in saying "you need to leave" (again more reasons to go into here!)
Please please can someone help? If I could even get some space for a few days, but how do I do that with a 2 year old?
Thanks so much