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Original poster

Does getting under someone really help you get over someone?

26 replies

Stripesandsprinkles · 24/06/2017 00:43

So I split up with my ex 6 weeks ago and I'm stil devistated, still being sick every morning, can't sleep and he's all I think about! My friends keep saying I just need to have sex... meaningless sex with someone else, I've only ever slept with 2 people both who I was in a long term relationship with because I just never wanted to feel used but what's everyone's opinions on this? Does it help you get over the person who broke your heart?

OP posts:
user1498060624 · 24/06/2017 01:17

Hello, so sorry to hear you are sick everyday and still think of him. It is not easy to go over someone that easily. For how long have you been together?

I dont know about your friends but I am more like you. I havent slept with many guys and I have to be in love and emotionally connected to enjoy sex. Otherwise I feel bad about myself and used.

However, going out, having a few drinks and flirting with people might make you feel even better than having meaningless sex ;) It will make you see how much desirable you are again and also might lead to good friendships.

Do you go out, drink socially with friends or have you been in the house still the breakup? Flowers

user1486956786 · 24/06/2017 02:55

No. In the past For me it has made things worse, because it reminds me of the feelings I had for someone else, reminds me of what I've lost as I feel nothing for the one night guy.

Don't have meaningless sex with someone until you genuinely want to. Don't focus on finding someone to replace him. Focus on building a happy single life for you.

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 24/06/2017 03:01

Stripes I hate to be the one to ask but with being sick every day is there any possibility that you may be pregnant?

I don't think that meaningless sex is a good idea when you are used to sex in a loving relationship. I know it wouldn't suit me!!! I agree with user, treat yourself, dress up nice/ buy something new to wear! Go out for drinks with a friend,

Rinkydinkypink · 24/06/2017 03:53

Don't have sex with anyone unless it's because you actually want to have sex with that person. Otherwise it'll make you feel even more like shit!

Take your time to just be and greive. X

rebeccajayneh1992 · 24/06/2017 04:00

When I was young I used to think sex was nothing but now I know that's not the truth to me, if you can have sex a disregard feelings then you go for it girl you go do it with whoever you want but if you can't then wait, it's so hard getting over someone you love but if they don't love you then you deserve better and he will come along one day and sex with him will mean a millions times over what it did with a stranger but like a said earlier if no feelings involved it's still fun with a stranger haha xxxx

onesupplied · 24/06/2017 06:22

It doesn't work for me as I have to really be emotionally into the man to find them sexually attractive. I've always found it difficult to separate sex and the emotional side. Therefore for me, sex with a stranger feels shit which in turn makes me miss my ex as the sex we had was good because I was emotionally into them... it's a vicious cycle.

It's unlikely to 'cure' you of your breakup so if it terrifies you, don't feel pressured to do it.

The thing I found that really helped was getting out and about a bit as it does force you to get out of your own head for a while (especially great if you're an over thinker like me!). Although it's probably the last thing you feel like doing it's important to keep up relationships with friends.

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP. It will get better^^ Flowers

Ladyformation · 24/06/2017 07:13

IME it doesn't help you get over someone, but it's a pretty good way to pass the time whilst your emotions regulate themselves....

fedupandnogin · 24/06/2017 07:16

I don't think sex is the answer but like others have said if you are able to go out and have some fun with a friend or two it will make you feel better about yourself.

jeaux90 · 24/06/2017 07:17

God no. I think you should spend time with friends and family to help you heal. X

noego · 24/06/2017 07:18

Only if you are capable of having a ONS that comprises of pure carnal lust, the attraction is mutual and there is sexual chemistry. Otherwise my answer would be no. You would only feel like shit the morning after.
I would agree with other PP's though, get out there mingle. Get the compliments and attention. It helps restore confidence in your self.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 24/06/2017 07:55

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much. You've been sick every morning for 6 weeks?! Unless you're pregnant I really think you should go to the GP and get that looked into because that's not normal surely.

Lovegaultier · 24/06/2017 07:57

I think it can make you feel worse as you know the connection is missing.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 24/06/2017 07:59

I think it can but as long as you have some lust there! Going out and about is the key thing, I think wallowing (not being mean here) makes it worse, much worse. Keeping busy will stop you overthinking and one day you'll realise you haven't been thinking about him!
Definitely do a pregnancy test though-just in case.

TheNaze73 · 24/06/2017 08:16

Yes.

stevie69 · 24/06/2017 08:28

In my opinion, no. The relief will be temporary and short lived. But .... time heals; that much I will promise you.
Flowers for you.

S xx

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 24/06/2017 08:40

Not speaking from experience but something a friend said that always stuck with me.

Her relationship crumbled and followed the advice to get over someone get under someone else.

She said, when actually doing the deed she felt good, she didn't feel the pain or hurt which she had been feeling since it ending. But once the guy went home, she was alone and back at square one. Thinking of what wrong, why did it end and that she was having sex with someone that wasn't her ex.

She said for the time you're having sex it's fine, and after it all hits you again. Her opinion was it's not worth it and wait for yourself to heal before having meaningless sex.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 24/06/2017 08:46

Meaningless sex can be fun if it's something you're happy to do, but if it's not your thing you'd run the risk of making yourself feel worse. What works for your friends won't necessarily work for you.

Can you take up a hobby that isn't meaningless sex, to keep your mind occupied. long walks might help?

Sorry you're going through this.

bumblebee61 · 24/06/2017 08:49

No way. It will just make you feel much worse. You are far from over your ex and need to give it time. Try and organise things to do with friends, new hobbies, interests. Make a bucket list of things you have always wanted to do and do them, even if you are on your own. It will lead you in new directions and towards new experiences. Don't focus on the past or finding someone else, and you'lll find life unfolding in new and unexpected ways!

Branleuse · 24/06/2017 09:20

always worked for me

HungerOfThePine · 24/06/2017 09:41

I don't think it works immediately op, after all my break ups(there isn't many) I tend to just lick my wounds and spend alot of time with friends and dc until around the 3 months mark and then I get busy.
I adored my last dp and we split amicably as lives were going in different directions so it was quite hard when you both could have happily been together but won't be.

You do compare each and every new fling with that exdp if he was great. Or emotionally wishing it was them.

Almost a year on I still miss him but I no longer compare others to him as in reality I tell myself there will be someone as amazing as him or better that comes along.

Basically op take time to heal and only do things that you want to do to achieve that.

Original poster
Stripesandsprinkles · 24/06/2017 18:53

I do think i would feel worse after it! But I just want to feel better and stop thinking about him! I sufferd with anxiety a few years ago(which has resurfaced since we broke up) and part of that is unfortunately when I first wake up in the morning my anxiety is through the roof which makes me really nauseous. I have been doing meditation and started yoga to try and help with the anxiety. All my friends are settled down now so nights out for drinks ect are few and far between x

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 24/06/2017 19:01

For me yes, I have no objection at all to meaningless nsa sex. Sounds like it's not your thing though so in your shoes I wouldn't as it will most likely make you feel worse.
I would go out & socialise though certainly.

user1498060624 · 24/06/2017 20:30

I get also morning sickness due to anxiety (not pregnant for sure), so I am sorry to hear this.

Sometimes it helps me if I wake up a bit earlier so in a way I feel that I stop the anxiety. Its really weird!

ALoveWorthKeeping · 24/06/2017 23:03

Break ups are so tough. You're doing the right thing with meditation and yoga, but if you need meds on a short term they can help.
I've done it in the past but can see with hind sight that it wasn't healthy, I thought I was in control but wasn't. After my most recent break up I never want to sleep with anyone again, can't bear the thought of being that vulnerable.
Don't listen to others, follow what your gut is telling you.

PsychedelicSheep · 28/06/2017 18:55

Always worked for me too!