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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Coming to terms with shared custody

4 replies

Dinglingding · 23/06/2017 21:02

Sorry this will probably come across as a very self indulgent post.

I am at a point where for myself I really feel
I need to leave my marriage.

I have two young children though - I have sacrificed a lot and always been there for them. My husband has followed his dream and lived the life he has wanted for several years.

I know however if I get divorced he will want custody 50% of the time. I also understand that whatever I feel that may also be best for the kids and I will always do what is best for them. In lots of ways he is a good father.

I just can't bear the thought of not having them with me that much though. It honestly breaks my heart. It isn't that I feel they belong to me or anything like that, just that for so long it was just me and them ( because my husband's dream took him away for lengthy periods of time) I would miss them so much. The day to day stuff.

I guess what I'm asking is how do people come to terms with that? At the moment I just feel I can't leave because of this.

I'm sorry if I sound selfish. I feel so trapped.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 23/06/2017 21:28

Not selfish at all. I think we all feel like that. I though my ex would want 50/50. Turned out he didn't. You may be surprised. Don't put it off though. The younger they are the better.

Original poster

Dinglingding · 23/06/2017 21:44

Thank you for replying wally you may be right ( and I fact my friends have found the same!). And I know what you mean the younger the better.

OP posts:

SnugglyBedSocks · 23/06/2017 22:04

Realistically can he do 50/50. Won't work get in the way?

Original poster

Dinglingding · 23/06/2017 22:12

If we can afford a nanny still he will just get her to pick up the slack in the evenings. Although whether we would be able to who knows. That is another worry - we have no family so would need to look at other childcare.

I am also the higher earner.

I just can't imagine him not wanting 50/50. He has never really taken a proper shared responsibility so I suspect he has no idea what it actually means - having to be there for the kids etc. He thinks he is the perfect dad and I am a not great mum. I also suspect he would go for it just because he is competitive.

OP posts:

Flip