Goodbye men-gay after DV

[biqueen]

My ex was emotionally abusive. This included coercion to get me in the bedroom. I used to do it to keep in his good books, because it was easier than hours of arguments.
He physically attacked me during our divorce.
Since, I can not imagine intimacy with a man, or just in fantasy as it is safe.
I have been drawn to women who are more in touch with their emotions, and I feel this results in a better intimacy.
I have been going out with a woman. Intimacy was mind blowing at first. Now she is more like my best friend. But I don't like her around my kids as she can be very short with them. Things have to be done her way and quickly, so I am questioning whether I should carry on.

Although I am out to my family and friends, I don't like being out with her and my friends or with my family. I am not out professionally and I am massively struggling with my internal homophobia.

Do you fancy women or do you just see them as safe?

You need to dump anybody, man or woman, who is anything other than kind, loving and patient with your kids. Your first responsibility as a parent is to put them first, that includes putting them before your love life.

My girlfriend is around when the kids are not around, but I feel like I am living 2 lives

Are you sure it's internal homophobia, or just awkwardness/embarrassment because you know she isn't actually the right woman for you? Being short around your kids is not good - that is a big deal. You're happy to be out, which is great, but you're not happy to be out with her - so the problem is your relationship, not you.

She's not nice with your kids so just dump and move on.

You have no future with someone who you can't have around your kids because they'll be horrible to them. Move on.

Unfortunately you've gone for the same kind of person again. Get rid of her and get some counselling before you get involved with anyone else.

biqueen

The Freedom Programme by Womens Aid would be well worth doing.

ImperialBlether Amen

OP - until you find inner peace you'll just repeat a pattern, be it male, female or pink with yellow spots

What they said ^.

Do the freedom programme and work on healthy boundaries in relationships.

Your gf doesn't sound right for you and that she's no good with your dc is the dealbreaker.

Hassled Are you sure it's internal homophobia, or just awkwardness/embarrassment because you know she isn't actually the right woman for you? that sticks with me and lights me lightbulb, thanks

Both men and women can be abusers. And we are drawn to the same type of person regardless of sex. We need to learn how NOT to pick someone who is controlling or abusive. And having to have things 'her way' and you having to keep her away from your children is a huge red flag.

Do the Freedom Programme.

Your title suggest that you've opted to be gay after leaving an abusive relationship. As mentioned by a pp, it sounds as though you're considering it a "safe" option.
Are you actually attracted to women, or this woman in particular? You do describe her as a "friend" rather than lover/partner.

I'm sorry you've had such awful experiences with your ex. I wonder if it would be better for you to be single for a while and get your head straight? (no pun intended).