Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Only go for "x" men.

58 replies

Namechange2837 · 23/06/2017 07:40

Was chatting to a friend yesterday - she's recently moved to a new area, and I was asking how her love life was going there, whether she'd met any nice guys blah blah blah.
She replied "well no, there's no black guys here". I was a bit speechless at first. As far as I know she's had two relationships with black guys (her most recent relationships), but has had several relationships in her past with white guys too.
We all grew up in a big, diverse city, and most of us (group of girl mates) have had relationships with a variety of different people from different ethnicities, races, creeds etc.
After I had the conversation with her I thought about it, and I think I know 3 other women who exclusively "only date black guys". I've heard them all say it before but thought it was more tongue in cheek, but now I think about it, I've never known them to be with anyone of any other background.
Is it me, or is it strange to limit your choice in men to one particular race?
Of all my other friends, we don't really have "a type". Of my past relationships, they're all very different, and I wouldn't say there was a trend as such - on average they've generally been taller than me, so maybe that's my "type", although I've never actively sought out taller partners.
So I guess my question is - do any of you have a specific "type" (black, Asian, blue eyes, blonde hair, body builders?), and if so have you found someone who fits your type and you've stayed together?
Sideline - I've no real reason for wanting to know other than curiosity and nosey-ness! 😉

OP posts:
Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 23/06/2017 12:07

I am not really drawn to ginger or blonde or shorter than 5' 7 (my height). Not too fat or insanely toned. Can deal with slight chubbiness. Current DP is 6' 3 and I love finally feeling feminine, as am significantly smaller, although no fairy princess by build! He is also curly and dark-haired (with ponytail, which I've always hated in guys, but have grown to love!), but with fair skin, blue eyes and freckles. He also has a big nose (haha) like ExDH, but I don't specifically look for one! He's a bit chubby and somewhat older than I thought I would want to date, but he is mentally in the same place as me.

I guess my point is that I have some preferences, but have found them mostly not that important when looking for a partner. What matters is that we connect on a deep level, and share world views and values.

My exes are all quite different from eachother at a glance, but what connects all of them, is being highly educated. That is because I am, and it helps to connect re values etc.

Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 23/06/2017 12:15

In other words, I find it strange to have a definite, set in stone, external type, as internal things matter so much more in a relationship.

JeffyJeffington · 23/06/2017 12:28

*I don't think I do know anyone who's only dated white guys either

God really? I'd say it's probably more usual to have only dated people of your own ethnicity, even if it's not an explicit preference*

Absolutely agree with this. i know many white people, Asian people and black people who have only happened to date people within their race, albeit not as an explicit or inflexible preference. But I think the reason that OP and some others are noticing/finding it unusual are because the white/black thing makes it stand out for them.

Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 23/06/2017 12:28

Only feeling drawn to one race, other than your own, seems like it could be fetishising and "exoticising" a race.

Mari50 · 23/06/2017 12:36

I have a type. At the moment I'm dating someone who is definitely not my type except that he's funny, bright and I really enjoy spending time with him.
It's disconcerting.
I keep reminding myself that the last couple of relationships once had with 'my type' have ended in divorce in one case and over a decade of awfulness in another. So my type is shit.

Namechange2837 · 23/06/2017 12:39

Jeffy - as yesyesyes said, it's more the fact that choosing ONE race and it not being your own

OP posts:
JeffyJeffington · 23/06/2017 12:44

And I agree with yesyesyes point- didn't read that as being your point originally though

CHT68 · 23/06/2017 12:45

As a bloke I have a definite preference for dark hair/eyes and skin. this preference gets stronger as I get older.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page