Sex with someone new

[user1496940061]

Hi
Single guy after 15 yrs or so.
Looking to get back to dating and having some fun , friendship and maybe relationship
Nervous about sex with some one new after so long with same girl - any tips / advise ?

Wear your Sunday best.

Even on a weekday?

I have been single for years too and am terrified of starting a new relationship, mainly because of the sex thing, so I'm place marking on this one!

Just be yourself? The other person will be a bit nervous too as you'll be a new person to them as well.

Sorry if confused - I have just become single after 15 years in a relationship

No not confused - I meant no matter who you end up with - you will be new to them too.

Be yourself, don't over think things, take time when dating new people to get know them a bit.

It's natural to be nervous but overthinking is the killer rather than being a bit apprehensive.

I think he meant my confusion, I thought he was saying he had been single for a Long time like me.

I would say have a chat about nerves beforehand and remember passion is the sexiest thing and most likely to put someone else at ease if you are clearly enjoying yourself.

Don't discuss your nerves, that would put me off. Just go with it! Maybe have few trial runs first too....

I wouldn't be put off by talk of nerves. I would find it refreshingly honest.

Depends how you say it I suppose, if you are lighthearted with a smile I too would find it refreshingly honest.

I'm just worried that by the time I get around to having sex again they will have changed it. Maybe they have already. I dunno.

I'm just worried that by the time I get around to having sex again they will have changed it. Maybe they have already. I dunno.

I totally understand how you feel. I am separated and am looking at possibly never sleeping with anyone again (am 48 and am just not sure anyone is going to want me at this stage) which is sad in itself.

Also, I can't imagine sleeping with anyone other than my H - that was one area where I felt (lord knows what he felt) we were compatible, and his body was utterly familiar. I can't imagine touching anyone else. My relative was saying that you feel like that until you meet someone else - and then you don't .

I guess that when you meet someone new, it will be the relationship which matters and the sex will come from that?

Is the concern about the action/movement/noises? Or that someone will see you in the nude?

Guess its about knowing how to satisfy some one new after all these years also maybe around performance.
I'm ok with my body.

You're worried about satisfying, the other person - trust me that's a big plus

I think you might be running before you can walk tbh, unless you have met someone already? Just focus on meeting new people and if you meet someone nice as long as you take their needs into consideration, which it sounds like you will, then it should all be fine.

Thanks - it just seem so daunting have to re learn !
Last time I dated I was about 26 and she was about 22 ! All seems very different now !
Maybe as a man I feel under more pressure to perform

Just be nice OP, honestly,manners and generally being a genuine person goes a long way.

Don't leap ahead to worrying about satisfying her, you can overcome that by asking her what she likes when the time comes. Just be honest and open.

Good luck

I've had sex for the first time with lots of a few new men over the past couple of years. My advice would be:
Don't watch porn, or do anything you learnt from watching porn, unless you are certain it will be well received.

Tune in to how she's responding. If she seems to like something, keep doing it. If she goes quiet, dial it back for a moment and re-connect.

Enjoy yourself, and let her know when you like something she's doing. We get insecure too!

The third time is usually the best, once you've had chance to get to know each other's bodies a bit, so don't be disheartened if the first time isn't fireworks.

I agree with Bottle

You're repeating 'perform/performance' as the source of your anxiety. If you're worried about your erection more than you're worried about making sure she's enjoying the experience, then it's not going to be much fun all round.

How long is it since you broke up with your partner of 15 years? As with anyone, make sure you're in a good place mentally, as a single person, before deciding to sleep with new people. Make sure you're being kind and honest with the women you meet.

I have been single for 3 years following the end of my marriage (10 years), im in my late 30's. I thought I would never have sex again! But I had a 'fling' with a nice man and it was lovely. So i'd say relax and go with it.

Be respectful, pay attention to what pleases her, and a little manscaping never hurts, either.