Suspect he's a cheat but I'm 7 months pregnant

[talaulah789]

Title says it all really.
We've been together 4 years, I'm pregnant with our first at just over 7 months.
Never suspected anything of him and relationship has been great the whole 4 years. It's come to light over the past week or so that around Christmas time he had messaged and called his ex girlfriend when out drunk. I found this out at the time and we rowed about it and almost seperated but decided to stay together and move on as he hadn't actually cheated (I didn't know I was pregnant at this time).
Over the past week or so, I've found out (from going down his phone admittedly) that the night this all went down I believe him to have went back to her house. I'm heartbroken and not sure where I can go from here really. He swears blind that nothing happened. It wasn't her house he went round, it's just a coincidence (I only found out that it was her road through some immense digging online) he was at his mates house etc etc. It's not a big road, it's a tiny cul de sac with 20 houses max. We've had big rows about it but I'll be honest I just don't believe him. I never had any reason to doubt him and I trusted him 100% but this is just too much of a coincidence for me to believe him.
I don't know what to do 😪

Pack his bags and tell him to fuck off.

I bet if you asked him to drive to friends house he'd shit himself.

You know where he was.

As someone who is nearly 50 with a few Dc with the same man and having been in your situation if I could go back to where you are now with the really tearing heart decisions you have to make...

I would make my plans and run for the hills, never look back and I gaurentee he would have disappeared and I would have happily met and married or stayed single with my beautiful DD.

Who knows the outcome but it would have been better than the years of snooping and miss trust, knowing/believing deep down he is a liar and spending my life looking for the next time. There were many next times but life was too tangled and so much more difficult.

You child is soo young, do them a favour and remove yourselves from the toxic distrustful environment that he has created.

What are the chances he has a friend living in the cul de sac, who's house he went back to on the night he contacted his Ex?

You need to take a really firm approach and let him know that whilst he continues this unbelievable lie, you don't see the relationship amounting to anything.

That's not a threat. It's not telling him you're about to leave, but it's telling him, you don't really see a future with him.

Use the time to decide what you'll do. Without trust you don't have anything and it's hard to get excited about being parents together.

He needs to know exactly how you feel.

BTW, if he insists his story is true, then he can take you to the friends house to verify

Any resistance to the will just confirm what you already know in your heart.

I also suggest you take time away from him.. Let him know you need space to think.
If he never thinks you'll leave, he'll just hide things and do it again.

Sounds cliche, but once trust is gone, its very hard to get back. If something in your gut is telling you he's cheating, more than likely you're right. His story defo sounds far fetched. I would leave now before the baby comes so you have time to settle in and be prepared before he/she arrives.

Thank you for the reply ladies. I am absolutely petrified of being a single mum at 24 years old and he is the current bread winner of our relationship. I really don't think I'll survive on my £600 a month maternity for both me and the baby so a part of me is scared to confront him and leave him as I want to give my baby the best and don't think just me on my own would be the best they can have. He has no idea how I feel and is kissing me constantly and being really lovely to me but I'm not giving him anything back which he has already questioned with me so I can imagine it's all going to come to a head soon. I'm just v scared.

If there is no trust now there is really no relationship. Do not stay simply for your child, a lifestyle or what he can provide. Better to be alone rather than be badly accompanied.

What surname is this child going to have; his or yours?. I would seriously consider giving this child your surname rather than his.

I know it's scary but - if I could go back in time, I would, like DailyMail up there, also have left the first time. The pain and distrust isn't worth it.

He's telling you the minimum semi-plausible tale he can, and is shifting what happened as you discover it. It is what you suspect.

I know it seems difficult now, financially, and you feel trapped, but check out what top ups you might be entitled to online, now and as a single parent. He would also need to pay child support.

As per Atilla, if you do end up staying, give the baby your surname, chances are high you'll sincerely regret not doing so.

Same as pps I would have left the first time but my son was only 3 weeks old. Naturally it happened again probably the whole time but I found out when ds was 18mo and I kicked ex out.
Being a single working mum is really hard, I won't lie. But personally I find it easier and less mentally exhausting than being with a liar, cheater and gaslighter.
Becoming a single parent has honestly been the making of me.

Forgot to say, just because he's a shitty partner doesn't necessarily mean he'll be a shitty parent. Hopefully you can co parent effectively and fairly together.
My son has his dads surname, hasn't been a problem for me and it's just a name. All that's been different so far is packing his birth certificate when we go abroad. It just gets to me a bit that some people make out like it will have a massive negative impact on the child's life which I find upsetting! My issue totally though before anyone jumps on me!

You have the choice whether to believe him and let your child have a father, or to not believe him and be a single mum.
It's a choice you make as there is no proof he has done anything.
Granted, it SOUNDS like he has done a naughty, but not 100% guaranteed.

It's a big decision and you don't need to make it now. Concentrate of having baby and yourself.

Sorry but of course he was at her place, far too much of a coincidence.

Do you really want a future with a man that cheats on you when pregnant, this is who he is, the next opportunity he'll be at it again.

Go home to your family if you can, be around people who actually care.

Neutrogena, the child will have a father whatever happens, it would be on him to co-parent. You don't have to stay together to be good parents.

True, but you know what I was getting at....

Yes, if you were getting at stigmatising lone parents "let your child have a father" indeed.

Category12 - no stigma about single parenting at all. It's a choice OP will make.

I really don't think I'll survive on my £600 a month maternity for both me and the baby
How do you think single mothers who have never worked survive? There will also be benefits. Check at entitledto

Oh, and give the child your surname and don't put your partner's name on the birth certificate.

Jesus, leave the single parents alone, I am one, you don't need a useless man to help fuck up your child's life, there's no such thing as mummy, daddy and 2.5 kids anymore, and thank god, no more women having to put up with shitty partners and having them influence their kids badly.

OP, he's cheated, up to you if you want to forgive and try again but please don't play the how will I manage card, I did and thousands and thousands of others do too.

I think I have every right to still be concerned. I'm not stating that being a single parent is a terrible thing, FYI I'm from a one parent family. I'm just simply saying that I am scared to be by myself with a baby as well as dealing with a breakup and losing someone I really do love. I think I'm entitled to feel like this.

Thank you everyone else for your helpful comments.
I'm going to think about what I need to do, but won't be posting on here anymore.