This isn't an old topic but there is more and more mentioned about it everyday, it comes in all forms, weights and measures.
Hello to anyone who reads this, and my apologies if some readers think that women (or men) who go through this form of cruelty are completely mad and others who know why it's hard to leave.
i haven't read everything that people have posted but i have enough on my plate trying to work out how to get my life together to pluck up enough courage.
I am so afraid of my OH but the options for leaving him are so.....
I went into a refuge about 8 weeks ago but i was completely isolated in a posh town with no money, and debt was accruing in my first week. I had no access to computers, radio, tv, just one thing would have been ok but all i was given was a mop and cleaning cloths and told how much i would be paying in charges......I know to some that would have been a far better scenario than staying with a narcissistic abusive, controlling, mean spirited person who likes to shout and embarrass you in public or strangle you because he is angry and accuses you of being a way that HE is actually portraying...
He strangled me today, he marked my neck, has actually hurt my neck but blamed me for it, (over a god damned plant pot)!
I wrote about him some years back and i think he was ok for a while i didn't feel as if i was walking on eggshells, but in the last 2 years it's changed drastically, i see it in his attitude, manner, demeanor towards me and i am confused because i do so much for him. It's like having a child in the house, having temper tantrums. He raises his voice if he can't win an argument, because he always has to be right but i tend to walk off or say, i am not doing this. Or, i can get combatative and tell him some home truths, then all hell breaks loose. he can't cope with arguments or discussions which i will do rather than raise the roof and include the nosey neighbours but he insists that they all know anyway, as i try to bring him in doors or try to quell his fiery anger...for what you ask, nothing in particular, he just doesn't like me going anywher, talking to anyone, seeing anyone, working (same old) just being here doing his bidding, making sure he is up to go to work, blah blah blah.
He asked me a question a week ago, "did i regret coming back to him"
I said, wholeheartedly that "yes, when he is controlling me, and embarrassing me, insulting me in front of his friend or family, or general public, ignoring me, keeping money from me, that yes, i do wish i had been stronger.
Do you know he joined a dating site, his excuse was to see if i had joined.....he said he lied about his age etc, so really why would he think that if i had joined, why wouldn't i do the same, lie about who i was, name age and just start down a path of deceit...I said, well your lying about who you are tell me everything about the kind of person you are.
This is long and i am completely out of my depth with this now.
I am 50 now and i though my life would have changed to the point where i was comfortable, settled, and relatively happy, probs working part time, or something but i have nothing still, i can't even save anymore.
I have let this happen by being vulnerable and he has taken advantage and manipulated and coerced my life standards to fit in with his ideology of what he wants and expects and i have ignorantly gone into it like a lamb to the slaughter.
I want to hurt him. I wish him ill and that is not me.
He breaks my things and wont replace them, he says they are accidents but i wonder.
i can't give advice to people going through this, because i am stuck not knowing what to do to help myself but know this i wish you strength and happiness and hope you make the best choices for yourself and your children if you have any.
Thankyou for any advice if you have gone through and come out the other side, or just thank you for reading.
Sorry if it's boring and long, but i need to talk and my fingers are my voice.
Happiness and love