My husband has been in the throws of a terrible episode of depression for over a year ... when we think about it, his illness has been there for much longer but it really surfaced when I was pregnant.
We have a beautiful baby but things have got so bad between me and DH that we decided this week that we can't be around each other/ we need some space and he's left. Who knows if for good.
Some of his behaviour has been incredibly destructive to our marriage - it's like he's remembering the past as the absolute worst version of itself. Troubles and disagreements we had years ago have been pulled out and have been blamed as part of the reason he feels the way he does.
That's such a lot of weight to put on me as he's had times of feeling suicidal. He tells me everything about how awful he feels but has disengaged from our relationship in many ways and has said he loves me but doesn't feel capable of being 'in love'.
To begin with I tried to make him see he was being unreasonable and needs to just stop and think but now it's got to the stage where I am questioning every little thing that has happened and am beginning to wonder if he is right, even though I know depression is clouding every aspect of how he thinks.
He also says stuff like 'I've always been depressed' and 'I don't remember being happy'.
Also - that now he feels slightly better, that he needs to figure out he felt that bad so he can stop it happening again, because he is terrified of feeling that low again.
Does anyone have experience of this? I feel like utter rubbish myself but just trying to keep busy for my DS. I know some of this is his illness, and I'm really bloody concerned about him, but I'm so worried I've been an idiot and not seen that he wasn't happy, like really unhappy with decisions we've made, like getting married etc.
We've been to one Relate session and the counsellor was great - basically said people with depression often look for reasons they are ill and make drastic decisions, like leaving their wife! Counsellor also said to discuss our problems as things 'depression' has done rather than DH. I have tried this but DH insists it's him making as decisions and he needs to consider the reasons why.
Waiting for another appointment but we really need it!
Not really what I thought would happen in my first year of mumhood ...
Also - wasn't sure whether to post here or on mental health topics.
Should also say DH is on 40mg Citalopram and is having CBT too.