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Original poster

Want another baby.. what would you do if your DP/DH says no?

12 replies

happynewme · 21/03/2007 12:56

I have one DS(whom my DP is not the father of). DP has 3kids. He has also had the snip

We actually split up couple of years ago as he wouldn't have another baby but now find can't live without him and we are back together. Still really want another baby.... am no spring chicken so if don't do it soon will be too late

Is he being unreasonable saying no (he says no cause he not really keen on kids!!!!)

Want a baby and want my DS to have brother or sister

OP posts:
Original poster
happynewme · 21/03/2007 12:57

thanks mrsB!

OP posts:
Original poster
happynewme · 21/03/2007 12:57

ooops wrong thread!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 21/03/2007 12:59

I think you'll have to decide between this relationship and another child I'm afraid

DH doesn't want any more, we've discussed it a lot because I did, he then said ok if you want to and suddenly I didn't want to any more .. I still waver .. sometimes it having your partner say no that makes the difference in acceptance

but your DP has had a vasectomy if he doesn't wnat another child he's not going to reverse that is he so you don't really have an option but to accept or move on

WayneAteAnEasterEgg · 21/03/2007 12:59

Parenting is a joint decision. If he doesn't want to have one then I'm afriad IMO opinion it comes down to whether you want a child more than him, or vice versa.
I'm assuming that before you got back together you had this conversation - what was agreed then?

Original poster
happynewme · 21/03/2007 13:00

Oh he has told me for years... we'll see, maybe, not right now... realise he is fobbing me off with it cause he doesn't want to lose me.
Hmmm........... an affair

OP posts:
Edmond · 21/03/2007 13:02

vasectomy reveresals arent always successful. I think if someone has gone as far as to have a sterilization and has made it clear from the begining they dont want any more children, then i think you just have to accept that

lulumama · 21/03/2007 13:03

i think if you split over this, then it is a major bone of contention...and as twig has said, you will have to choose...

if he has had the snip then even more of a reason to move on ,

that is more telling than the fact he has fobbed you of......he had finished having kids, he has been reticent about more kids and he has had a vasectomy he has shown no signs of having reversed...

the answer is staring you in the face, i;m afrad

Lulou · 21/03/2007 15:07

In similar situation. My DH has a DS(11) from previous marriage, we have 2 DD's 2.5 and 1. He always said he wanted 3 kids but now has decided he doesn't want anymore and wants to have money and holidays. Thought he would change mind until he decided he wanted the snip and booked an appointment. Then felt so sick and really really wanted another but he wasn't having any of it although he did make the odd comment on if we had another.. As it happened on the day there was a mix up and snip was cancelled. I think he is still waiting for next appointment but neither of us has mentioned it. I even thought about leaving when he wouldn't budge, but couldn't do that to my kids and do love him. It is strange how strong you feel about it. He is older than me but i don't know what you do in this case, you can't make someone want more kids so i suppose you have to grin and bear it . still gutted though when i see babies~~!! Mine are fab though so at least I have them. I can understand you wanting a sibling for your little one though.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2007 15:11

I echo Twiglett's very well-put post.

Hopeitwontbebig · 29/03/2007 11:29

Oh it's such a difficult time isn;t it. There just is NO compromise, it's either yes or no, there's no in between. My DH and I have 2 DC and I had periods of begging him, in floods of tears to have another one, he was absolutely adamant that he didn't want any more. I went through a phase of not being able to look at him, he'd walk into the room and I'd walk out. It was a terribly confusing time for me, because I loved him so much but at the same time he was denying me the most important thing to me. Eventually I managed to get my head round it all, and put it to bed (excuse pun) because I knew we had a good marriage, and two wonderful children and that he wasn;t going to change his mind. I had to do the changing.

Anyway, I am currently expecting our 3rd child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It took for him to be nearly killed in a motorbike hit and run accident in November to re-evaluate things and he said if I still wanted to we could try for a baby!!! And 5 months after the accident I am 3 months pregnant!

expatinscotland · 29/03/2007 11:34

yes, but hoping, happy is in a situation where her parnter has children by a previous relationship and has had a vasectomy.

Hopeitwontbebig · 29/03/2007 11:41

I know it's not quite as straight forward and there is the complication of having to have reversal surgery. I have friends who successfully conceived a daughter after reversal. The point I was trying to make is that it is difficult and that there IS NO comprimise, someone has to 'give in'. For the sake of the marriage, if it looks like he isn't going to change his mind then you do have to either draw a line under it, or end the relationship. I was very 'lucky' if you want to look at it that way. My husband was nearly killed in November, that's pretty extreme. He'd have NEVER changed his mind had the accident not have happened. I had to force myself to give up on the whole baby thing.

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