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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure if this is a problem exactly but it's definitely frustrating!

7 replies

tigercub50 · 21/06/2017 22:58

I am a very emotional person & do tend to hold onto stuff when perhaps I should let it go. We have been having enormous problems with DD (8) & tonight she had yet another huge meltdown. Unfortunately I ended up yelling at her. It all calmed down & me & my DH both talked to DD about what happened & I said sorry for shouting. Later on, I sighed because I was exhausted by what had happened & DH asked me what was up. Trouble is, he will do that, but unless my answer is " Nothing" he tends to be quite negative & I am tempted to ask him why he bothered asking! It's almost like he finds it hard to cope with my emotions. He kind of wants me to get over stuff but if it was him, he would sometimes still be brooding ages afterwards ( he will ask after an argument too & then instead of supporting me or being sympathetic, he will sometimes have another go). It's actually really difficult to explain. Sometimes I feel as if DH is trying to tell me how to feel but maybe that's being a bit dramatic. Perhaps it's a man/woman thing where men do just move on & they can't understand how a woman is still brooding. DH has been like this for years but at other times ( not following emotionally charged situations), he is supportive & loving.

OP posts:
tigercub50 · 21/06/2017 23:49

Any late night thoughts?

OP posts:
LostSight · 22/06/2017 07:02

Do you think he actually wants to know how you are in these situations? Or is he looking to restart the argument? Does he start arguments often, or is it only after some previous event?

And you say he sometimes broods. In what way is this expressed?

Sorry for a reply with only questions, but more details might give more understanding of the general dynamic.

LostSight · 22/06/2017 07:05

Incidentally, I have a DH who finds sighing deeply offensive as his mother used heavy sighing as a guilt-trip tool. Generally I sigh unconsciously and don't want anyone to ask as the thoughts that trigger it are ones I didn't mention for a reason.

tigercub50 · 22/06/2017 08:33

Hi - well last night wasn't an argument but I do wonder sometimes when we have argued & then later he asks me what's up, if it is the case that he's trying to start things up again. We have had problems in the past & often he would pick a fight out of absolutely nothing. I reckon it may have been a control thing or he was more stressed about stuff than I realised.
I don't sigh to guilt trip. Sometimes my DH will say I have this pained look & then he asks me what's up. Oh & the brooding - he will sometimes go upstairs for a break, which is good as our arguments don't escalate like they used to, but it can take him a while to " get over" things even though he's telling me to let it go. We're all different, I guess.

OP posts:
Brahms3rdracket · 22/06/2017 11:39

Do you think it's that thing that men often do where they feel the need to fix things and he's frustrated he can't? Solutions are easier to deal with than emotions.

I know my DP is like that if I'm upset about something. He wants to help and protect me, so comes up with lots of solutions when I just want to be heard and a shoulder. I've explained now that i don't need him to fix it I just want a hug and a bit of sympathy. He's become rather good at that now bless him, but still provides good solutions where necessary.

ImsorryTommy · 22/06/2017 11:57

I think it can be hard sometimes to be around 'very emotional' adults who struggle to control their emotions.

LesisMiserable · 22/06/2017 13:06

Do you have resting bitch face? I do, its a bloody curse!! 😂

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