When did you know it was time to let go?

[MamaHanji]

When in a relationship did you think 'enough is enough. Let's call it a day and separate.'

We have two young children 3 and 6 months. It's not that I don't love him. It's that I'm starting to feel it isn't fair on the 3 year old that she is around the arguing. And that I'm sick of the same things every day. It's like we speak a different language.

I cant imagine my life without him. But at the same time, if it's best for my children, i know I could do it.

I'm starting to realise that I can't just keep brushing over these argument. Every time it's bringing me closer to not caring anymore. I love him. But I don't have the energy to keep up this stupid battle of pride and miscommunication.

When we argued before, I used to feel so much emotion. And now it's just resignation of it being the same shit, the same comments, the same things over and over again. I just feel flat now.

I guess I just want to know from people that have made that decision, when did you know? How long had you been together and how old were your kids. Just someone please tell me what to do.

No-one can tell you what to do. Trust your gut instinct. Your children need 2 happy parents. Whether you are apart or not. Have you explained to him how you feel?

Having young kids can be bloody hard on couples. We had 13 years just the two of us before kids and it took a few years to stop fighting against each other and work together as a team.

You could possibly be experiencing similar but only you can judge when enough is enough.

Do you get any opportunity to get couple time? I don't necessarily mean get rid of the kids, as that's not easy at their age, but have a meal together at home, have real conversations uninturrupted and try to reconnect.

We try to do this every weekend otherwise the monotony can become unbearable and leads to snapping at each other.

When you are stuck, like you say, when you can predict that the future will be exactly the same as the years of misery you have already endured. My marriage was like a railway track, fixed, so many feet apart and heading that way infinitum.

When it's 'his' way or no way and you are so tired at the lack of compromise and his selfishness drives you to rage.

When you look at other people and wish you had their relationship.

When you wonder what happened to the person you used to be and where all your dreams and aspirations went stuck to this person. You feel just so damned tired.

Sounds grim doesn't it...fast forward five years, LTB, and my future is a cornucopia of possibilities, driven by me without the dead weight of someone else!

Perhaps you're not quite there yet, if you have to ask the question. Something just snaps and you know. Good luck 🍀

Oh and married 19 years, child was 12 when we split up but knew it was a dodo by year 10. Took some major disruption in my dysfunctional family of origin to give me the push to do something about it. Fear was holding me there, desperation made me jump.

Honestly, I can tell you from seeing my sister and her ex arguing, it really has damaged their child; he's a nervous wreck and suffers depression and is very highly strung, it's not worth it, if you can separate and co parent do it before it's too late.

"When you are stuck, like you say, when you can predict that the future will be exactly the same as the years of misery you've already endured."

this**

When you know, deep down, however hard it is to admit it, that nothing is ever going to change.

Thanks guys. Your comments have really helped. I definitely don't feel the way you have said. I do see the future being better, and there is definitely still love there. We have been saying for ages about needing to have time just for us. Once a month, go out for a drink or a walk or meal, just us. But it always gets pushed to the back of priority list. I think it needs to come to the top now.

Ah good luck Mama, that sounds really positive. Hope you manage to get some couple time and reconnect.

Honestly? For me (14 years 3 kids) I realised one day that if someone told me I would still be waking up next to him in 30 years time I would cut my throat there and then.

And a friend on mine once told me that after nights out drinking she used to deliberately go to the loo and throw up to get out of sex with her ex. I think your marriage is probably dead in the water if you'd rather puke than have sex with them.

Sounds like there is still life left in your marriage! Good luck.

I had the same issue. My ex was insecure on many levels and he would just go over and over the same issues during our arguments and I would have to explain again and again and again and he would understand nothing!

We eventually broke up after 2.6 years of a relationship and currently my life is as worse as it could ever get! I feel lonely, worthless, sad, old and that no one will ever love me for who I am. Breaking up/divorcing is tough but if you have strong reasons and a very strong network support then do it! I have no one and I am also writing up my phd thesis (or trying to) so my life is a nightmare at the moment!

I hope you are happy whatever you do!x