Am I wasting my time!!

[confuseddaddotcom1]

I've been in a relationship with my fiancée for 7 years now, at times she can be really loving and caring, it quite often she just really infuriates me. We have 2 children each and is difficult balancing life with them, quite often we disagree on issues and this causes some resentment. I will quite happily take about these issues all the time in order to sort things but she does not and becomes really quite obstructive to the point where I just close down, quite often to try and stimulate a response. I am just fed up of trying to discuss things with no feedback and discussion from the other side. I am now getting to the point where I feel I just don't know if I want this relationship anymore, when she's responsive it's great, but when she isn't I just feel like walking out of the door Andy finding a woman that does want to show she cares. I feel I'm a bit of a doormat at times and need to get more of a backbone. Please ladies, am I doing something wrong and how should I deal with this woman?

Ignoring her to force a response is just childish.

Postpone the wedding and ask her to attend counselling with you to sort out both your communication problems. And possibly work on specific issues that you haven't agreed on.

If she doesn't care enough about you and your relationship to invest time in counselling (or you don't) then split up.

Yes, my ex would not tell me what was wrong , just long silent sulks I thought she was going through depression. In the end she said it was me and negativity (towards world affairs) not us. Its a control mechanism to keep you guessing on what you are doing wrong or right.

Hi OP, can you give more info on the issues you disagree on? Yes it is infuriating when one partner wants to talk the issues through and the other doesn't. I don't mean to sound patronising but have you thought about how you come across when you try and get her to listen to your POV? If it sounds like you are attacking her she may well close off. If you keep the conversation light and state the facts and how you feel she may be more understanding and more willing to respond.

If she gives no feedback to you at all I can understand that wouldn't be annoying if you're looking for some kind of resolve and she is giving you nothing to go off. Maybe just let her know you need a little bit of reassurance that she still loves you and wants to be with you. If she doesn't respond to that, you may have your answer

That would* be annoying. Sorry I'm typing too fast

Hi, the issues range from children not helping around the house (we have 4 between us) and the way we deal with this, differences in behaviour that is exhibited and I from some of the children, my two tend to be reasonably quiet, whereas my fiancées eldest tend to be very agressive at times and can be rather loud. There is also an issue where my two children receive a pension from their late mother and get the opportunity to spend some periodically, my fiancée doesn't like this even though her two children receive birthday gifts, etc from their father. We get along the majority of the time but the children are the main source of the problems and I would rather discuss this and come to a workable resolution than just ignoring the issues and no change arise. I have my moments but overall I'm a very calm, light conversationed person. I do get a little frustrated when nothing changes and issues get ignored and don't improve. No one is attacking anyone, but I feel talking is the only way forward and to be disregarded is quite upsetting as I want constructive dialogue.

Well it's good that you want a constructive dialogue and it's the best way forward.

How old are the children? Would it help to draw up a rota of jobs? I'm one of four children and my mum did similar with us when we were kids for the whole week. But she swapped around who did what on each day so we didn't end up doing the same task over and over again. It worked well and it's how we got our pocket money. So maybe you could try something similar?

As for the pension, it may look unfair to two of the children but just explain to them calmly that they receive gifts from their dad which the other two don't receive. I presume the two children who aren't yours receive gifts from you too on their birthdays? If all else fails, you could always suggest to your children that they put their pension money, or at least some of it into savings so they don't get as much to spend. Or you could give the other two some spends when the other receive the pension money?

Just suggestions and things you could potentially sort with you fiancée.