STBXH pretends I'm abusive- so worried

[reallyworried000]

I've namechanged as I suspect h knows my username. Have posted about him before straight after he left for OW.

Things are not going well for him. OW has dumped him, I bought him out of the house, he's in a bed sit without job. He's now started to spread rumours that I have been abusive and violent. I haven't. My best friend told me; apparently he's 'confided' in der husband and s few other people in our shared community. He had to come round the other day so brought someone with him 'as a witness' and whenever he emails me he stresses how he feels unsafe around me and vulnerable. He alludes to stuff in his emails that has never happened.

What is he playing at? How do I keep myself safe? I'm so worried I can't flee properly. I work in a job where any accusations like dv etc. could really be a problem for me. Has anyone got experience?

Yes you need to address this.

He thinks he's very clever, doesn't he!

I would make sure to respond to every email like this copying someone else in.

'Dear X,

Blah blah arrangements fine etc. I was however very concerned to read your latest attempt to smear my character by making reference to an 'event' which did not happen (your obtuse reference to some 'stairs incident').

As a result, I'm copying X into this reply, with their permission. I'll be doing this with all emails from now on, so you can be assured that there is a witness to your statements (Perhaps it will also help you 'feel safer'!)

Let me be very clear - I have no intention of allowing you to get away with making completely fabricated accusations against me. Although you are deliberately unclear in your reference to an 'incident', it's obvious that you intend to make an indirect accusation of some sort of abusive or inappropriate behaviour on my part. I have no idea what your intentions are in doing this, but as it's not the first time this has happened, it's clear to me that I need to create a paper trail of this behaviour, and independent witnesses, for my own safety. Let me also tell you that I am fully aware of other accusations you've made against me, and rumours you have tried to spread, via other people. I am also aware that such malicious behaviour may spread to you trying to affect my work environment. Let me be utterly clear - I fully intend to create a paper trail for this purpose too and I will not hesitate to involve the authorities if your malicious communications continue.

Let me be clear again. There was no 'incident on the stairs.' Let me say now in this now-witnessed email that I am utterly concerned that either a. you are for some reason starting a campaign of malicious communication or b. you may have some undiagnosed mental health issue. You may be interested to know that more than one of the people you have tried to turn against me with other bizarre claims are also concerned that the latter may be the problem.

Our relationship is over and it was entirely your doing. I suggest you move on more positively with your life rather than trying to attack me to make yourself feel better.

I will also not be meeting you again without a witness.

Regards,

Worried.

You don't have any children and you've bought him out of the house, make all contact via a lawyer and if you must in person, always make sure there's a third party (but keep these to a minimum).

I suspect the motive here is to wind you up, disengage, disengage, disengage.

If you don't have children and you've bought him out of the house, why are you still having any contact whatsoever?

Sorry, that wasn't meant to sound quite as blunt as it came across.
What I mean is, if you have no practical reasons to deal with him any more - don't. If you do, wrap them up once and for all and be done with it. For your own sake.