Hi all,
I am new here and my story is long but I would appreciate your help as I am lost at the moment.
Let me start by saying that I am a foreigner in the UK. I was in a relationship for 2.5 years with a guy, living in his city and being in very regular touch with his family who lived nearby. He works with his dad in his dad's company and is in daily touch with his mum (texts etc.). We would also spent Xmas and many Sundays together because he wanted to be in touch with his family (even more than he already had). He'd rather spend time with them than me. If I would dare to point this out he'd say that he spent more time with me since we lived together, while in reality he'd spent only 1-2 hours daily with me since he was working long hours and commuting daily.
In our 3 years of relationship we had at least 8 bad arguments I can think of. In the first one he smashed my new expensive camera that I use in my work, he pushed me to the floor bruised my knees and came on top of my head while I was crying on the floor asking me if I felt 'strong' now. I reported the incidence to the police and we went through court but meanwhile he was being the nicest guy ever for fear the court would be merciless to his abuse. He was trying to make me feel guilt that I reported the incidence to the police-even though I didnt know the police would arrest him and take him through court- and when I went to the court as a witness I made things look less bad as in reality so he got clear.
We have spent 2 of the last NYE's separately, the first time we were on a trip to London and he broke up the kettle and mugs of our room before exiting the room and getting the train back to Scotland. He was always hot tempered and happy to get involved in an argument. Last NYE we also spent it apart because he spent it with his parents, while his brother kicked me out of their flat in Edinburgh that I had previously agreed to stay for 3 days with a friend who came to visit me.
Even though when we would break up his family would totally support him, despite that he was abusive and they knew it, I still thought that they liked me because they were nice to me during the family dinners. But it wasn't until recently that I realised that there were some fake vibes involved in all this.
We left our rented flat in February, with the hope to save money for the deposit and buy a house, and while he moved back to his parents I was staying there a couple of nights and at a friend's sofa during the weekdays. Since he moved in with them everything changed. We would spent all of his time with them and I would see him during weekends that again we had to spent with them since we didn't have our own place. He tried to buy a house many times but he didn't manage it yet because the houses were faulty.
Long story make it short, we got into an argument last week because he failed to understand me all this time while being homeless and I started the argument telling him that he is not a man who can support me, especially now that I go through major difficulties at work, and so it's better if I rent a room on my own. He started shouting at me, reacting to anything I'd say and our argument was pretty bad. so he told me to leave his (parents) house, grabbed me from my hair, smashed my luggage and pushed me violently in his car. He left me miles away, closer to the city and I called a friend to pick me up. Later on I asked him to get the rest of my stuff of his (parents) house and he disposed them in the corner of a field where me and my friend picked them up while his friend was driving in the house. He of course wasn't shocked by the incidence and he didn't even bother to stop and see what happened. Note, that his brother once texted me and called me ugly, dirty, (insert my nationality) and my boyfriend never told him off for this.
After this I moved to a friend's place and now to my own room in a house. I texted his mum to tell her that me and him are done and that he has again been abusive and she pretended that she felt sorry for the situation and had a chat with him. Only to have a chat with him and applause him for breaking up with me as I was bad news. The people who I thought loved me and had accepted me are now my worst enemies. They told him that they are very glad we broke up and that I wasn't good for him without trying to explain to him that being aggressive and abusive in a relationship IS wrong. They covered his dirt and now I started realising that not only they never liked me or loved me but that ALL this time they were pretending that they like me for their son's favour.
His parents are narrow-minded, Brexit and UKIP fanatic supporters who would always talk about immigrants and people on benefits on our dinner table, even during Xmas! They never realised how uncomfortable I felt seeing their hate. But now I realise that maybe they were being ignorants not thinking that this might sound bad to me.
His brother got a girlfriend just before Xmas and his mum already within a month of this long distance relationship bought her gifts, bought her mum a gift and now, 6 months into their relationship, have donated them the flat in Edinburgh to stay as long as they want and have already met her parents. She is local though so I understand for his racist parents their other son being with a local girl is the ultimate gift!
On the contrary, my parents have never received any gifts from his family and he also used to call my parents 'beggars' because they come from a poorer country. I can now see that the reason we broke up is not only because he didn't love me, hence his lack of support and his abusive relationship, but because his parents didn't like me either.
Currently I am sick at home in bed with fever because I try to come in term with what has happened. His mum not only didn't try to make our relationship better but teaching him that being abusive is wrong and that I had every right to leave him, but she just speed up the process of breaking up by taking his part and slacking me to make him feel better.
I feel lost and stupid, for not seeing who his parents were. I cannot believe that two 60 year old adults were faking it so many years and covered their real feelings about me. I feel betrayed, stupid and hate every bit of myself for not seeing who he was and who his family was earlier to save myself these 3 years that went for waste.
He now lives with his family and they all pat him on the back for breaking up and kicking off their family house the ugly, dirty, (insert my nationality) girl who was bad news for him.
It hurts my heart knowing that he never really knew how much I loved him and how my world has collapsed. But with parents like his, how could a relationship survive?
Please tell me what you think, am I crazy?