Friend is in a horribly abusive relationship, but won't leave

[beeeenice]

It's an awful situation.

I suppose no one can really help, but - well, can they? I suppose I'm worried that I'm saying/doing the wrong things.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

Not in a physical sense but emotionally abused, yes.

I also had friends who avoided me due to my exes behaviour.

Hers is more emotional, and sexual.

I have been there.

Poor girl

She'll feel like everyone is against her if he's anything like my ex.

What kind of advice are you looking for?

I think all you can do is support her, listen to her, tell her that her situation isn't normal and be there. It's horrible but until she's ready to leave, she won't.

Woman's Aid has really great info on how to support a friend. It's not as easy as just leaving as it's the most dangerous time for women. They are at higher risk of extreme violence and murder. WA will really help you.

Thanks. I am worried about her safety

I was in this situation once and despite strongly advising my friend to leave him over several years she wouldn't cos she thought she loved him. Thankfully she did eventually leave him, but it wasn't because of my advice, she had to come to the decision herself. Be there for her, it's hard cos you end up listening to so much about the bastard yet she stays..it's infuriating and tedious. I used to ask my friend what advice she would give me if I was in that position to try to make her realize how horrific it all was - she loves me and would tell me to get out, she didn't love herself though as he had stripped her of all self esteem....I'm happy to say that this terrible part of her life is now well behind her and she is in a wonderful relationship now

Maybe you could show her the replies on this post?

She'd be very upset if she thought I was talking about her.

Don't be surprised if she acts flaky. I know sometimes I am forced into this sort of behaviour by my p. She may be hard to support as it's easy to hide from reality and not accept help. If you accept help, then it's real, he really is a bastard and you have to accept that. And it's so hard. Xx

Please don't give up on her. My best friend refused to talk to me about my arsehole ex because she was fed up with me not leaving, but that made me more isolated.

A friend of mine called the police when he threatened me in her earshot and that did help - although I didn't realise it at the time, as it gave me the confidence to call the police later when I needed to.

Can you point her in the direction of the relationships section on MN? I like to think I would have left my ex sooner if I'd been able to talk it through with MN. So many women have been counselled through the process of leaving abusers here.

I'm in your friends situation. I have no one really to actually talk to in rl. I can only answer with what I would like, but it might help. I would love someone to talk to and just not feel judged, people saying ltb etc doesn't work. There are many considerations which she will be worrying about. Also, I know I was once a lot mentally stronger. Her confidence will be rock bottom. Is there any chance you two could go for lunch, or something nice? Remind her of what she was once? Xx