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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

In law difficulties

37 replies

Sisinisawa · 21/06/2017 16:05

My parents and my in laws live in the same town which is two hours away from where we live.
Because of this, my in laws have never bothered making either of their two spares rooms habitable for us. They expect us to stay at my parents' which was fine.

However now my parents really struggle with health and with our children who have Sen and are challenging. This also means staying in a hotel would be extremely difficult as we cannot all sleep in one room.

PLus my in laws are also in ill health and now additionally have my disabled bil living with them as he can no longer live alone.

Also only fil can drive and currently he can't due to his health.

So. My pils have been phoning my DH saying how sad they are not to have seen the children and they're missing out.

I agree. They are. But I can't see what we can do?

If they had spare rooms we could stay there. But they expect us to use my parents' like a hotel and this has always annoyed me although we have done it, but is now not ok because my parents are not up to it.

My husband thinks I don't like his parents but actually I just can't see how we can visit as it's not possible with no room to sleep and too far to do in a day with Sen children.

I've no idea how to handle the emotional blackmail pils are giving my DH over this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sisinisawa · 23/06/2017 08:53

Bil only very very recently moved in. This has been the situation for nine years.
We have always visited them when we go but the issue now is that it's very hard for us to go at all as my parents can't cope with the children any more.
I feel like no one is hearing what I'm saying.

OP posts:

FlossyMooToo · 23/06/2017 09:03

Could you not ask pil for half the cost of a B&B?
If no family room available then 1 adult 1 child in 2 rooms?

Penfold007 · 23/06/2017 09:15

So when you do go to your parents' house your DH prioritises seeing his friends over seeing his parents? There is the problem HIM, don't let him try and push it on you.

Nowaynowjose · 23/06/2017 10:48

OP, you don't have to go stay with your parents. If IL want you to visit them, they can put you up. Kids in box room and you/dh on sofa/camp bed in living room if necessary. Might not be the most comfortable, but it's only for one night, if you don't want to travel there and back in one day. Why can't you try that?

Original poster

Sisinisawa · 23/06/2017 14:18

Penfold no! That's not what I said.
It's impossible to see everyone and sometimes if he wants to see friends we don't have time to see his parents too. That's what I said.

Noway that's an option I can suggest. They'd need to get a camp bed though.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 23/06/2017 14:25

Another option could be that your DH either picks up one or both of his parents and brings them down, or meet them at the train change station or something. Not sure if there is someone else to look after BIL though.

Penfold007 · 23/06/2017 14:40

Sininisawa I'm sorry I misunderstood.

Original poster

Sisinisawa · 23/06/2017 14:48

Random yes that's an option though would have to think how it would work as would be 4 hours driving in one day and the same the next.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 23/06/2017 14:53

Perhaps DH go up one evening, see his friends come back with parents the next day. Few days later drop them at train station at lunch time?

Original poster

Sisinisawa · 23/06/2017 17:45

He'd need to take time off work then though.

OP posts:

Nowaynowjose · 25/06/2017 00:29

Random yes that's an option though would have to think how it would work as would be 4 hours driving in one day and the same the next.
Tbh I think these things seem a lot worse than they are until you've tried them. I regularly have periods of travelling 4 or more hours a day for 4 days at a time, with primary aged children. It wouldn't be a terrific difficulty for dh, unless there's something you haven't mentioned.
None of the options now available to you are as easy/comfortable as your previous arrangements, but if your dh wants his parents to visit/be visited he's just going to have to sort it out and suck it up. It's not your job to arrange everything!

Italiangreyhound · 25/06/2017 00:42

sis my sister moved away, about 2.5-3 hours travelling away quite a while ago. At first she was able to put us up, but then our family expanded and her home shrunk and now we have to stay in a hotel. We did visit as often as we could, about every other month. Because my mum also lived near her.

I think Nowaynowjose has a good idea. Suggest this to the in-laws. Or your dh. I think them coming by train to you and staying in a hotel is also an idea.

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