Please help me have the courage to tell him I am leaving

[muminboots]

I have been married to DH for almost 18 years and I am so unhappy. I know the marriage is over and I want to tell him I am leaving but I can't bring myself to say it to him.

It's been on the rocks for at least 10 years, we haven't had sex for more than 7 years which is a big problem for me. I miss adult touch and intimacy terribly. He is very self-contained and spends most of his time in his study. These are the biggest problems though there are others too.

I have spoken to him about it, told him how lonely I am, and he listens but doesn't do anything about it. I am at the point now where I don't want to spend any time with him or make conversation.

At the end of last year he asked me to give it another year but 6 months in, it's worse not better and I don't see the point of waiting it out. I just need to find the words and the courage to tell him, but I feel so terrible about hurting him and breaking up the family. Our DCs are 6 and 13 and will be devastated. But I can't live like this anymore. I don't know what to do. People keep telling me to stick it out for the children but I feel like I am dying.

This will be hard, make no mistake but what helped me was to focus on where you want to be. The first thing you need to do is tell him, and be resolute. Don't allow yourself to be talked into staying longer. He needs to know, 100% that it's over. That it's the really hard part. Stay strong through that. You then need to get practical, you need a financial plan and to work out between you what is going to happen. There will be a lot to sort out but try to focus on the practical things.

Ok, writing this out has made me realize I need to do this.

Feel for you op.
Staying for the children is never a good option.
I have family members that have done that and all it's created is an uneasy low grade atmosphere at home and the now grown up children say it was awful and would have much rather they had had two happy relaxed parents.
Sit your husband down and calmly tell him that you can no longer live unhappily.
Everyone changes with age and sometimes couples that start compatible grow apart and want different things out of life.
Your dc will not have their lives ruined,like lots of people think. Their life changes.
Can you sit and talk to him without being persuaded not to seperate?just be calm and kind but direct and tell him it's not open for more trying as you have done that and it's not working for you.

A good few mnetters here have said on many posts before that you owe each other respect but you can both walk away at any time if your no longer in a positive marriage.

To stay will cost you your happiness

Thank you, I know I need to be definite when I talk to him, and I always end up sounding undecided and not saying things clearly enough. I'm not being fair on him either.