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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My friend is being abused by her partner

2 replies

Madbum · 20/06/2017 18:15

My friend is an abusive relationship, he emotionally and verbally abuses her and she's revealed to me today that there have been physical attacks over the past year.
Her DS's school has now become involved due to the poor child breaking down at school and asking for help.
I've tried to support her and encouraged her to kick him out, I've offered her refuge if he kicks off again and she claims she's going to change the locks when he next goes out I've advised her to call the police and have him removed (it's her house, children not his) but she won't.
I don't know what else to do? She's had SS involvement for other reasons, they questioned his abrupt behaviour but she's fobbed them off by minimising, making excuses for him and convinced them that he's just 'shouty' and stressed out/depressed and other bullshit, SS closed her case two weeks ago.
I'm hoping the DS's school will now pick this up and arrange a TAC and decide to push for SS Involvement again.
Im not convinced she's going to change the locks any time soon, she's too scared of his reaction but she refuses to get police involved.
I'm frightened for her and her children, I just don't know what to do anymore to help her. I've told her straight she needs to protect her children or she will lose them and she agrees but then carries on regardless.
I want to help her but it's making me stressed with worry about them, I feel so helpless but it has to come from her doesn't it? last time I reported to SS it got no where should I go back to them again now she's disclosed physical violence? Or let the school take it from here?
Looking for support and advice please.

OP posts:
gottachangethename1 · 20/06/2017 18:51

As a starter point her in the direction of the women's aid website, they have a forum and helpline number. Buy her a copy of 'why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft too- knowledge is power. Glad she has you to confide in.

Madbum · 20/06/2017 19:08

Thank you gottachangethename I forgot to say in my OP that she's very familiar with WA, through her line of work and from personal experience with a previous relationship, when I suggest contacting them she's dismissive as "she knows what they'll say and suggest." I don't really know how to combat that response from her its like there's no point because she 'knows it all' IYSWIM.

OP posts:
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