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Original poster

Is having sex once a week normal?

26 replies

Loopy4478 · 20/06/2017 15:36

Hi,

I have been with my partner nearly a year we are both near the 40 mark, i have a very high sex drive but my partner never seems that interested, we currently have sex about once a week but he never seems that interested or bothered about, he can obviously last a lot longer without any sexual action, is this normal, it has pretty much been this way since day one, but when we moved in together a couple of months ago when i was unpacking his things i found a bag full of condoms(which we dont use) so he obviously had a sex life before he met me, is it me? i am very confused

OP posts:
MissBax · 20/06/2017 15:40

Having a bag of condoms doesn't necessarily indicate he was getting loads of action (he could have had the same pack for 2 years)!
There is no "normal" amount of sex to be had, aslong as you're both happy with it. It doesn't sound like you are though so maybe try and express this to OH. You need to work something out for the relationship :)

Original poster
Loopy4478 · 20/06/2017 15:44

No i guess i am not happy with that side of our relationship at present, i have mention it too him before but then i feel like i am forcing him to have sex with me if that makes sense

OP posts:
ChicRock · 20/06/2017 15:45

It's obviously 'normal' for your partner.

What I don't understand is (and I'm presuming you're not happy with it) why you have progressed the relationship by now moving in with him, given that you've found the frequency of sex unsatisfactory from day 1?

Reow · 20/06/2017 15:47

Not sure if it's normal but it would be plenty for me! Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2017 15:47

Why have you rushed into living together so quickly when you knew you had this big issue?

You've "mentioned" it? Really? Surely this is something you should have talked about and resolved?

Original poster
Loopy4478 · 20/06/2017 15:48

everything else is perfect, we have a fantastic relationship, we both have great relationships with each others children, we have a great life together and in every other way we are very happy

OP posts:
MissBax · 20/06/2017 15:49

You need to decide how important it is for you OP!

ChicRock · 20/06/2017 15:52

Ok well then live with it, he's a once a week guy, he's never pretended to be otherwise and you've progressed the relationship in the full knowledge that is all he wants.

Pinkheart5912 · 20/06/2017 15:53

There is no "normal" with sex it's whatever an individual & couple feel that want that is the normal.

Once a week would never be enough for me but for some people it would be too much/not enough.

The bag of condoms doesn't mean he was shagging like a rabbit, maybe he was just prepared/they were on offer so he got a bargain when cheap etc

I am a bit confused as to why you move in together if the sex isn't rocking your boat and fulfilling your needs tbh, it's only been a year and if your not sexually compatible now you never will be

importanceofhappiness · 20/06/2017 16:06

Not sure there is a normal.

Once a week would be far too often for me. I'm more of a once a month person.

Oblomov17 · 20/06/2017 16:06

Why are you rushing into this with someone who isn't sexually compatible? Drive wise.
Aren't you supposed to be at it like rabbits in the beginning. Maybe after 20 years of marriage you might only have occasional sex, but, in the beginning?

Oblomov17 · 20/06/2017 16:07

I could take it or leave it these days, but I'm not a 40 year old woman, in a new relationship.

AdalindSchade · 20/06/2017 16:09

I wouldn't be happy with this but then I wouldn't have got that serious with a guy with a low sex drive. You have done so you need to deal with it I guess

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2017 16:14

Slow down!!!

Why on earth have you moved in with someone so sexually incompatible with yourself. The itch is only going to get worse. If his drive is so low now, imagine what it'll be like in 20 years?

You need to think how big a deal is it for you?

I'd suspect that once a week wouldn't be enough for most people in their 50's let alone someone so young as yourself

wherearemymarbles · 20/06/2017 16:31

Look at it this way, in 10 years time you might well find once a month is fine and he'll be the one getting upset!

BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2017 16:32

"everything else is perfect, we have a fantastic relationship, we both have great relationships with each others children, we have a great life together and in every other way we are very happy"

But you're clearly not happy with this important (to you but clearly not to him) aspect of your relationship. Yet you've not talked to him about it properly before you lived together. You've just mentioned it. I just cannot understand that at all. Clearly communication is not a strong part f your relationship either.

His sex drive is probably not going to increase is it? Age and soon familiarity will see to that. You have said you have a high sex drive. This is not going to get better.

Once again on MN, someone who moves in / marries in haste, repents at leisure. I just cannot understand or believe that otherwise sensible, clever, independent women in their 30s, 40s, 50s are acting like this when it comes to men.

Do you have kids OP? How old are they?

Isetan · 20/06/2017 17:34

Is it normal? I didn't realise there was a prescribed number. Sex once a week is his norm, if it isn't yours, then you need to speak up.

You do understand the point of dating don't you? It's primary to get to know each other and find out if your compatible; emotionally, sexually etc. Which begs the question, why the hell you've moved in with a man your not sexually compatible with and even more bewildering, is why haven't you discussed it with him.

wobblywonderwoman · 20/06/2017 17:39

I think op, you knew what you were getting into and he is the way he is. Once a week is OK for me but it wasn't when we were at that one year stage. I don't think talking to him is going to make him any more up for it, to be honest.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2017 17:49

And now, naughtily, I've done an advanced search and seen that this is not the only problem in your "perfect" relationship and you are not the only one who is now repenting at leisure your rash decision

rainsbow · 20/06/2017 17:59

Sex once a week would be music to dp's ears!! He's lucky to her once a month.

AdalindSchade · 20/06/2017 18:05

What did you find Boop? I only see this thread

Tomhasabonerforpussy · 15/06/2021 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sillawithans · 15/06/2021 19:31

My boyfriend and I last had sex mid April. I think we've had sex about 5 times this year.
I'm off!

starfishmummy · 15/06/2021 19:32

Define "normal"!!!

HavelockVetinari · 15/06/2021 19:33

@BitOutOfPractice

"everything else is perfect, we have a fantastic relationship, we both have great relationships with each others children, we have a great life together and in every other way we are very happy"

But you're clearly not happy with this important (to you but clearly not to him) aspect of your relationship. Yet you've not talked to him about it properly before you lived together. You've just mentioned it. I just cannot understand that at all. Clearly communication is not a strong part f your relationship either.

His sex drive is probably not going to increase is it? Age and soon familiarity will see to that. You have said you have a high sex drive. This is not going to get better.

Once again on MN, someone who moves in / marries in haste, repents at leisure. I just cannot understand or believe that otherwise sensible, clever, independent women in their 30s, 40s, 50s are acting like this when it comes to men.

Do you have kids OP? How old are they?

This. I do hope your DC aren't still at home, it's not on to move a man into their home whom you're not sure about.