Getting space without telling the other person?

[Spacespaceplanetspace]

Is this possible? If so, how?

I have a close male friend, we are in touch most days, and are very open with each other about ourselves. As a rule online contact frequent and initiated equally, but in terms of actually spending time together more was initiated by me. The frequency of online contact sometimes feels quite intense but is sometimes just funny conversations. I really value his friendship. This has been a pattern for much of the year. There's been no hints of extra feelings either.

But - a couple of months ago I came out of a LTR and the contact has gone up a notch, and he's been in touch a lot more and initiating more things together, including something last week that would have felt like a date if it had been anyone else. The frequency of contact last week was quite overwhelming and new.

But, since that evening - total pullback. Still frequent online contact (3 - 4 conversations a day), but he's less inclined to spend time together including things not arranged by me (mutual friends), and today when discussing a possible date for me, he suggested I "go for it, it'll be fun". He seemed quite uncomfortable when I did see him once.

I really need space from the situation as the not understanding where things are at is doing my head in, but don't want to do anything that spoils the friendship long term or say anything. But, I feel I can't continue like this - I want to know what our friendship actually is if that makes sense. I can work with either outcome, I just want to know.

Does anyone have any advice? He'd notice if I didn't reply to messages, and I don't want to ruin the chance of going back to the way things were by things getting weird if I explain myself to him. We'd also see each other anyway as have mutual friends.

Any advice much appreciated. Is it possible to get space without telling the other person?

Just be honest & tell him. You're probably projecting how you feel on a subconscious level anyway, hence why he's pulled back a bit

I guess I just think of a way to say 'our friendship is confusing me' without possibly ruining things?

This supposed open friendship is anything but. Work out what you want first, is it just a friendship or do you want a relationship, then go from there.

Thanks for the advice. We did speak yesterday (although less than usual) and he said how busy he is in the midst of another conversation (in which he also said some quite nice things), so I am going to try and roll with things this week.

You're right though isetan - I need to decide what I want, and the friendship isn't open if it is this confusing.

Male/female friendships can be hard ...

This is what is going on :
He is attracted to you, and, after the end of your relationship, he made it clear.
You did not respond positively, so he took he hint.
It will take him a little while to get over his crush feelings, and so will want to distance himself for you for a bit.

What do you want from him? If it's a relationship, ask him out. If it's friendship, give him space. But don't confront him with "what's going on with our friendship??" because you KNOW WHATS GOING ON. If you aren't interested in him, do the poor bloke a favour and give him a few months to get over the feelings. Your friendship will probably recover.

Does he have a girlfriend?

Sorry I posted too soon.

I was just asking if he has a girlfriend because of the sporadic texting.

If you want space don't be as responsive to his messages or initiate as much, that may help decrease contact.

No he doesn't - is very much single.

That's good advice. I just need to be stronger as well, as I do really want to talk and it probably shows.