Ive NC'd for this.
I've been wanting to write this for a while, I suppose more so to get it all out but I would value some insight.
10 years ago I met a girl, we were both only girls and we clicked. It quickly became a close and somewhat intense friendship with me taking the more sensible big sister role and her the fun lover role, I kept her grounded and she showed me how to be fun on a way that I needed.
We drifted apart after a couple of years because she was into a lot of partying and I was getting married and settling down however we were still friends and kept in touch regularly.
After I got married she seemed to settle down a bit too and our friendship became close again, so much so that when I had my first child we were very best friends and she was my child's godmother.
Don't get me wrong there was lots we didn't agree about but I genuinely loved her like a sister, and I thought she did me too.
She always had some mental health problems and a few years ago was going through a rough patch that I supported her though as much as I could, then I became pregnant again and had HG and antenatal depression so we went for weeks without talking. It seemed to damage our relationship and she didn't come round anymore, I was too sick to even get out of bed. Eventually when I had dc2 she removed me as a fb friend and blocked me. (She was one of the first people I messaged after the birth).I genuinely felt like I had been bereaved, like she had died. I still feel this way, I have not gotten over it and now she is married and has a baby on the way (a few mutual acquaintances have taken great delight informing me) I feel like it's a knife through the heart again, her baby will never know me or how much I loved their mum and all the things we shared.
We have had words, she eventually unblocked me and we sent messages to one another, she blames me and I blamed her, no win situation really. We never see each other now, but I constantly dream of her, think of her and I bloody miss her, like I said earlier the end of the friendship hurt like a bereavement or the end of a marriage and in a way still does, I think about her daily.
Sorry this is so long, I guess I'm not looking for solutions, I'm convinced that if I offered an olive branch she would shoot me down, her husband and family have made it clear that they blame me ( I'm not blameless btw and said things to her as much as she said to me, as I said earlier the friendship was intense) so their influence on her would no doubt be to reject me.
I just don't know how to get closure, believe me I've tried.
Any wise words mnetters? How do I get over this? She has moved on clearly but I can't no matter how hard I try. My dh thinks she used me, as a place to come to when her flat mates drove her nuts, or somewhere to have a hot shower or a decent meal, he thinks she is a user and once she had got what she wanted emotionally she checked out (when she met her boyfriend now dh).
I would appreciate some independent insights or similar experiences.
Thanks