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Relationships

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Original poster

How can you fancy someone & not fancy them at the same time?

19 replies

PunkRockBunny · 19/06/2017 19:48

This is the exact position I'm in & it's doing my head in. I look at him & think 'No, no, no' and then we sit there chatting & I bloody think 'Yes, yes, yes'. Sometimes I really ache when we're apart & other times I think 'Right that's it, enough'. Wtf's going on in my head?

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 19/06/2017 19:53

Scared of commitment or failure?

TokenGinger · 19/06/2017 19:56

I've had this. Found somebody physically attractive, but not found their mannerisms attractive, e.g. A bit geeky, or addicted to gaming etc.

iklboo · 19/06/2017 19:57

I was physically attracted to someone until I found he was a sexist, racist homophobe. Killed the attraction stone dead.

IronNeonClasp · 19/06/2017 20:02

Yep - I know that feeling . . .

Original poster

PunkRockBunny · 19/06/2017 20:02

That's it, I'm not physically attracted to him but his character is lovely. Can it work that way round? Can you develop physical attraction over time?

OP posts:

coconutcattery · 19/06/2017 20:04

I did! Had a friend I didn't really find physically attractive but we grew close and I found our personalities matched well and then I kinda became attracted to him in general... if that makes sense.

Spanneroo · 19/06/2017 20:04

It can definitely work that way around. In fact, all of my long term relationships have followed a pattern of growing more physically attracted to him as I got to know his personality better.

cattychatty · 19/06/2017 20:06

Me too not physically attracted but god he's clever,caring sweet and funny and when he smiles at me I blush I want him badly

AprilShowers16 · 19/06/2017 20:08

I has this. Wasn't physically attracted to him but we had so much chemistry that was just drawn to him. It was really confusing for a long time as I really wanted to be with him all the time but he just wasn't my picture of what I thought an attractive partner would look like to me. Eventually he moved away and when he came back with a tan and facial hair I realised the errors of my way and we've been married 5 years now 😁 Not sure what the moral of that story is sorry.

I think maybe sometimes we have a picture in our heads of what an attractive person looks like but then attraction is so much more than that and is usually more about personality and spark than looks. Conversely I've known very good looking men who initially I've been quite attracted too but as times gone on and I've got to know then I've stopped finding them attractive as there is no spark or they are really dull or something.

Greatballs · 19/06/2017 20:32

Yes! Didn't really fancy DH all that much in the beginning, but he's such a nice guy. A really really great guy, and gradually I started to fancy him too.
Been together 14 years now. I didn't think it'd last in the early days but my feelings developed over time and are very strong now.

MeganChips · 19/06/2017 20:36

I've had this. A previous partner who you wouldn't look twice at and objectively, not that physically attractive.

However a combination of him being very witty, funny, clever and generally awesome coupled with the most incredible sexual chemistry of my entire life made him very fanciable indeed.

BoobleMcB · 19/06/2017 20:41

I suppose one question is where do you feel it when you miss him? Which part of you aches? Or when you're with him which bit of you is happy and excited?

Is your head/heart or ...ahem... some other part?!

Scrumpernickel · 19/06/2017 20:48

Oh yes that chemistry you get with someone who's really not your physical type. Repelled and drawn at the same time. Phwoar.

Original poster

PunkRockBunny · 19/06/2017 21:59

It's the other part Booble

OP posts:

noego · 19/06/2017 22:24

Sapio sexual???

Orlandointhewilderness · 19/06/2017 22:39

Yep this is me! I didn't really fancy DP in the 2 ish years I knew him before we got together. I'd had moments where I thought 'coor' but generally not. Not my type and I suppose not conventionally attractive! Then it changed! Now, I think he is possibly the most beautiful man on the face of the planet. Every time I look at him I think about touching him and we have the most amazing, intense sex. He is fantastic!

BloodWorries · 19/06/2017 22:42

DP wasn't really my type in looks, other than being tall. But being tall is my biggest thing (pun intended).
His personality won me over, as I intended us to be sort of friends with benefits... 'he's not that attractive, I'll soon get bored' I told myself... over a decade ago.

He's fucking amazing in bed (pun again ) and over a decade later I think he's bloody sexy, but I'll save you the graphic details. So yes attraction can grow.

PookieDo · 19/06/2017 22:53

Yeah it grew that way round for me too actually and now it's great!

BoobleMcB · 20/06/2017 08:41

Well OP, I think you may have your answer there...

Do we think he feels the same? I think it's hard for one person to feel such a strong connection without the other person feeling something too. Or at least being aware. It takes two people to make that connection at that level ime

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