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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorced him so why am I feeling depressed?

3 replies

Teabay · 19/06/2017 17:20

18 months ago I decided to leave my WN controlling, hard work, mean, EA exh. Am now divorced, I have the DC, he has EOW.
Am having weekly counselling as it's shown me lots of things from my childhood and parents that was not ok.
I have a new house. I have friends. I have the DC. I have a new significant other.
So why do I sometimes feel SOOOOO down, it hits me like a tonne of bricks?
Do any of you feel like this? When will it go? I want to be back to being me 😞

OP posts:
Imbeingunreasonable · 19/06/2017 22:17

I have no experience of divorce but didn't want to read and run.

You have been through a lot emotionally. You have been worn down over time. It could be that you're still grieving. Yes, a relationship breakdown is like a form of grief. You had dc with this man, you married him. To you, you took your vows and commitments seriously and it is a huge shame when it doesn't work out even with all the best intent in the world.

The counselling as you say has opened up some past wounds about your childhood and life. No doubt this will play on your mind from time to time. Does your new partner offer you emotional support? Or have you a trusted friend or confidante?

You have been through a lot, 18 months isn't really that long. I read somewhere that when a relationship dies it takes half as long as you were in the relationship to actually get over it. But in truth some people never get over it.

I hope you find closure op, you also need to be kind to yourself, you have gone through so much. Just remember that the man you married turned out to be emotionally abusive and is the reason why things couldn't work out.

Give yourself time to feel what you are feeling. When it hits you, allow yourself to wallow in it for a while. But don't stay there, find something fun and positive to do afterwards. Remember you have the rest if YOUR life to look forward to. Fill it with the things you love.

Hope you are ok, I wish you the best Flowers

Hermonie2016 · 19/06/2017 22:59

I think it is grief and after the practical issues are resolved your emotions maybe catching up.I would say it's natural to still feel loss and heal from an abusive relationship.

I don't think 18months is too long at all so give yourself time and just know that some healing is still needed.

Teabay · 20/06/2017 00:13

Thank you both 😐

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